Grettis saga, part 18

86

Þorsteinn: "Istanbul sure is wonderful this time of the year."

Þorbjörn fish hook and Þorsteinn both join Varangians. Problem: neither knows what the other one looks like. Except no problem:

Varangians: "Sweet sword you got there dude! Why's it got a notch on the side?"

Þorbjörn fish hook: "That's just when I chopped Grettir in the head with it."

Þorsteinn: "Can I see it too please. Thanks."

Þorsteinn: *chop*

Þorsteinn: *gets thrown in jail**what were you expecting*

Random dude in jail: "Oh you're fucked too."

Þorsteinn: "No - not me - I'd rather... just... SING...!"



87

There's this lady called Spes who's rich and powerful and hates her husband Sigurður. In modern Icelandic "spes" means "special" and this lady sure is Special.

Spes: "Ooooh helll-llloooo~"

88

Sigurður: "Uh why's all our money going missing."

Spes: "Toy boys are so costly I MEAN how would I know."

Spes and Þorsteinn get a bit careless so one night as Þorsteinn is entertaining her her husband tries to storm into the room. Spes hides Þorsteinn in a chest.

Sigurður: "I HEARD THAT MAN WHERE IS HE"

Spes: "Lol wat."

So you'd think they learned from this but oh no. Next time Sigriður tries to sneak up on them they're looking at fabrics and clothes and such, but Spes quickly throws them onto Þorsteinn and is again like "Lol wat".

Sigurður: "I'm going to leave town, don't be suspicious if you see me hiding in a bush underneath a window though."

Spes: *boinks Þorsteinn at the window*

Sigriður: "A-HA"

Þorsteinn: *escapes through a trap door*

Spes: "Lol wat."

Sigriður: "...I'm so divorcing you though."

89

Now Spes is facing a death sentence if she can't prove her innocence. On the way to the court a random beggar asks if he might carry her over a patch of mud. He's so wobbly though that at the end part he stumbles. He manages to throw Spes on to dry land but falls himself on his face and accidentally grabs her by the thigh on the way.

Spes: "I shall now swear an oath that in all my life no man has touched my body except for my husband Sigurður and that annoying beggar who just accidentally groped me. Also I want to divorce because Sigurður's an asshole."

Everybody: "She's def innocent since she swore an oath."

Plot twist: beggar man was actually Þorsteinn.

90

Þorsteinn and Spes marry and Sigriður is banished. Yeah that did not sound exactly fair but like I said, Spes sure is Special.

Let's rub it in his face a bit more: Þorsteinn and Spes go to Norway and become rich and happy and friends of king Magnus.



Part 19.