Kormáks saga, part 2.

5a

There's a Þórveig who knows magic and she has two sons, Oddur and Guðmundur who are noisy. Steingerður's dad's like boys plz chop a Kormákur. Oddur's like YEAH SURE THANG.

Steingerður's dad and Narfi put a sword and a scythe on both sides of the door. When Kormákur comes in the scythe falls and takes a chunk out of the sword's blade.

Kormákur: "The weapon that mows in the meadow
It met with the gay painted buckler la lalalalalalaaaa~"

(That's taken word by word from the English translation, I swear I'm not making this up.)

Kormáks saga, part 1.

1

There's a guy called Kormákur but he's not actually the hero of this story. He's Haraldur Fairhair's friend and so is his son Ögmundur.

Ögmundur beats up an Ásmundur and then goes and marries a Helga who Ásmundur's had his eyes on before.

Ásmundur: "Oh no you did not. Duel it is."

Ögmundur: *chop*

Ögmundur: "Hope you didn't need those legs."

Egils saga finished, now what?

I've now gone through both of the sagas that were previously requested, Egils saga and Grettis saga. If you have a personal favourite don't hesitate to leave me a note. :)

Meanwhile I'll just go and write another short-ish saga called Kormáks saga, which is considered one of the oldest sagas by the date it was written down. By this I mean that although Kormáks saga happens during the time of Haraldur Dramaqueenie Prettyhair it was written down earlier than f.ex. Egill's saga.

Without further ado - let's go!

Egils saga, part 19. FINAL PART.

86

Þorsteinn: "Well then let's go get the sheep back."

Íri: "Hey lil mama lemme whisper in yo ear there's a group of men waiting to ambush you."

Þorsteinn: "SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT ÖLVALDUR WANTS ME TO POP BY HIS HOME. CHANGE OF PLANS MEN, WE TAKE A LONGER ROUTE HOME."

Steinar: "Fuck."

Egils saga, part 18.

81

There's an Einar who fanboys Egill and wants to hear about his adventures. Egill likes this Einar.

Hákon doesn't like this Einar and won't hear his poetry, but then Einar makes an emo song about going away because IT'S ALL HÁKON'S FAULT and Hákon finally agrees to listen to his poem. He actually loves it so much that he gives Einar an amazing shield to thank him.

Einar goes to visit Egill but he's not home. Einar waits for him for three days and then finally leaves, leaving the awesomecakes shield for him as a gift.

Egill: "He only gave it to me because he wants me to make a poem out of the shield that little fucker, get me my horse, being given a beautiful gift logically means I'm going after him to kill him."

Others: "Um, think again maybe. Anyway he left a long time ago and you won't catch him."

Egill: "Well FINE."

Egill: *recites poetry about the shield*

Egill: *goes to a wedding*

Shield: *ACCIDENTALLY falls into a tub of whey and gets ruined*

Egils saga, part 17.

76

Álfur: "I just saw thirty men ride into that forest to ambush you. Might be better to not walk right into it."

Egill: "Pish posh it's a road, there's travelers on roads, that's kind of what roads are for."

Egill's men: "Um, see how those footprints are going now, that sure looks like an ambush to us."

Egill: "...on a second thought let me tie a huge rock to my chest."

Ambush happens, but it happens both from behind and above - the attackers begin to throw large stones on Egill and his men. Egill can't be having with his fancy stone plating going unused in battle so he climbs up and chops everyone he sees and then throws more stones onto the ambush at the back.

The attackers try again. Ok but the same defaults are still in place (IOW Egill is present) which means they get the chop as well. Both Úlfurs argl.

Earl Arnviður: "Please have some good explanation to how only five out of thirty men returned."

Egils saga, part 16.

70

Arinbjörn: "This year we could harry the Frisians wot say you."

Egill: "About time we harry the Frisians!"

Arinbjörn + Egill: *harry the Frisians*

Egill: "Ok that was some good harrying. What now?"

Arinbjörn: "I'm going to harass king Eiríkur's sons."

Egill: "You know me so we-"

Arinbjörn: "I MEANT WITHOUT YOU"

Egill: ;^;

Egils saga, part 15.

66

Egill: "So Atli, Berg-Önundur stole that farm from me that you live on, give back plz."

Atli: "WTF dude my home? After you killed my two brothers and all?"

Egill: "Your cattle too. Plz thank."

Atli decides to be totally unreasonable so they agree to settle the matter in court.

Atli: "Here is the evidence and the witnesses and -"

Egill: "You know what, all that evidence-schemidence etc. how about we just fight it out instead of having a fair trial."

Atli: "This is no doubt a wonderful idea, let's."

Egill: *bites Atli in the throat*

Atli: "Argl."