Egils saga, part 16.

70

Arinbjörn: "This year we could harry the Frisians wot say you."

Egill: "About time we harry the Frisians!"

Arinbjörn + Egill: *harry the Frisians*

Egill: "Ok that was some good harrying. What now?"

Arinbjörn: "I'm going to harass king Eiríkur's sons."

Egill: "You know me so we-"

Arinbjörn: "I MEANT WITHOUT YOU"

Egill: ;^;



71

King Hákon has a problem in Norway. He sends his men to gather taxes but somehow they always get slain in a forest and no taxes for king Hákon.

King Hákon: "Besides that I don't like that Arinbjörn fellow at all, heard he's visiting Eiríkur's sons, kind of dubious if you ask me."

King Hákon: "The best option for me is to treat his family badly, kill them,drive them away a lot and yo you there Þorsteinn who's also related to Arinbjörn, you go get me the taxes.

Þorsteinn: "Shit fuk."

Egill: "It's ok, let me be present at the discussions. I've got a loooot of diplomacy hidden away somewhere, brand new never used before."

Messengers: "It's either Þorsteinn or us who has to go. But hey, we've been in this business long enough to know the right kind of diplomacy when we see it, how about you come with us instead of the lad?"

Egill: "I thought you'd never ask."

72

There's lots of snow and the company splits in two to spend the night at different houses. Except that the messengers wait until Egill and his men are out of sight and leg it as fast as they can all the way to king Hákon's.

Meanwhile Egill + friends find Ármóður's house, which is huge.

Ármóður: "Whoah you all climbed up the ridge? That's hard enough even without all the snow, who told you to take that route?"

Egill: "..."

Ármóður: "Anyway have some milk curds, sorry that we have nothing better."

A little girl: "Well ACTUALLY my mom says there'll be a nice feast later on if-"

Ármóður: *slap*

Ármóður: "Piss off kid shoo and shut up as well."

Ármóður: "OF COURSE I was only kidding, so, heh, let's see. We're going to have a nice feast. Yes."

Lots of awesome foods arrive and after eating a drinking battle begins, but the house people are totally forcing Egill and his men to overdrink themselves and Egill sees it won't end well. Eventually he decides to use diplomacy; he goes and vomits all over Ármóður's face.

Egill: "Yeah you guys are right, more beer for me plz."

Egill: :D

73a

Next morning Egill wakes up early.

Egill: *kicks in Ármóður's bed chamber doors with a sword in hand*

Egill: *drags Ármóður off the bed by his beard*

Ármóður's wife and daughter: "StopstopSTOPstopstopstopSTOP that please!!!"

Egill: "You two are no fun. Ok I'll just cut off his beard and gouge one eye out then."

73b

After this Egill and his men travel to the appointed meet-up place at a Þorfinnur's farm.

Þorfinnur: "Well I did see six heavily armed men pass here at the break of dawn but idk if they're the ones you mean."

Þorfinnur's house carle: "Naah those were all Ármóður's men."

Egill: "Meanwhile I could randomly heal your daughter, she's only sick because someone's left runes in her bed."

Daughter Helga: "I suddenly feel much better!"

74a

Þorfinnur: "Let us accompany you and your men through the woods, Ármóður's men are there waiting for you."

Egill: "We've been riding for a while and no sign of them. I think they don't dare to attack us since we're now eight instead of four..."

Þorfinnur: "Aweso-"

Egill: "So go home already."

Þorfinnur: "Wat?"

Egill: "Shoo."

Ármóður's men: "Hey now there's only four! AT THEM"

Egill chops two of the attackers immediately, at which the rest decide that was not such a great idea after all and U-turn it back into the forest as fast as they can.

74b

Egill and men find a rich man called Álfur who has a strange temperament. Strange as how is not specified but apparently he can't get along with anyone.

Except for Egill for some reason.

IDK maybe he's just smarter than Ármóður and knows it's a great idea to get along with Egill.

75

Egill: "So that's how things are, now cough up the taxes you owe king Hákon."

Earl Arnviður: "I've paid them already, like, twice. IDK what the king's messengers always do with the money somehow it seems to arrive back to me somewhat blood soaked."

Earl Arnviður: "But what's the harm in paying it once again lol."

Earl Arnviður: "Half of it is gonna be silver, the other half gray fur try not to bleed on it please."

Egill: "This is still not enough you know."

Earl Arnviður: "Oh it's plenty like Hákon's ever going to find out."

After Egill + men leave Arnviður calls his two brother in, and for some reason they're both called Úlfur. I suppose the parents were unimaginative.

Earl Arnviður: "Get the taxes back for me will you. Keep an eye on that huge guy, we'll definitely be wanting him as dead as possible, as soon as possible. Be sure you have enough men for this - 30 should do."

Úlfur and Úlfur: *completely fail to ask an important question: wtf dear brother, if this guy takes 30 men to kill are you really sure we should be doing this?*



Part 17.