Egils saga, part 18.

81

There's an Einar who fanboys Egill and wants to hear about his adventures. Egill likes this Einar.

Hákon doesn't like this Einar and won't hear his poetry, but then Einar makes an emo song about going away because IT'S ALL HÁKON'S FAULT and Hákon finally agrees to listen to his poem. He actually loves it so much that he gives Einar an amazing shield to thank him.

Einar goes to visit Egill but he's not home. Einar waits for him for three days and then finally leaves, leaving the awesomecakes shield for him as a gift.

Egill: "He only gave it to me because he wants me to make a poem out of the shield that little fucker, get me my horse, being given a beautiful gift logically means I'm going after him to kill him."

Others: "Um, think again maybe. Anyway he left a long time ago and you won't catch him."

Egill: "Well FINE."

Egill: *recites poetry about the shield*

Egill: *goes to a wedding*

Shield: *ACCIDENTALLY falls into a tub of whey and gets ruined*



82

Þorsteinn, that vogonic poet that's Egill's son, is said to be nothing like his father: he's blond, beautiful, tall and less strong than Egill, and he's also quiet, wise and calm-tempered. From this we find out that Egill himself definitely was not blond, beautiful or tall, let alone quiet, wise or calm-tempered.

Egill hates him.

It's ok Ásgerður likes him. Once when Þorsteinn goes to Þing Ásgerður gives him some clothes that were originally a gift from Arinbjörn (who by now is dead, got the chop in one of king Hákon's wars), and gets mud on them. Egill does not like this. But then Ásgerður dies and Egill moves to Þórdís' place, leaving the house for Þorsteinn.

Þorsteinn marries a Jófríður and they makes lots of babies (beside the two illegitimate sons he makes before the wedding). One of them is a Helga the Pretty and keep her in mind, she may have something to do with Gunnlaugs saga Ormstunga.

...Icelandic family trees ajhgfkahsgkfjahsgfludghazjh...

83a

There's a Steinar Önundur's son who's a bit of an ugly and hates Þorsteinn. Then he lets his cattle wander off to Þorsteinn's lands.

1st year

Þorsteinn: "If I ignore it maybe he'll go away."

2nd year

Þorsteinn: "Hey Steinar, could you do something about the cattle pls."

Steinar: "No."

Steinar: "Hey slave Grani go look after the cattle, Þorsteinn likes to carry sharp things around."

Þorsteinn: "Sry to say they also work on slaves. Now I shall name this gate Grani's gate because that's where most of the pieces I hacked off of him fell."

Just in case you ever wished to have a place named after you in Iceland, please re-think.

83b

Þorsteinn: "The fuk, his cattle's STILL there."

Þorsteinn's house carle: "Hey you dude cattle herder there, this is Þorsteinn's land."

Þrándur (Steinar's newest, most expensive slave): "Do I look like I care?"

84a

Þorsteinn: "Aaaaaay youuuuu. Get off my lands ok?"

Þrándur: "Piss off I'm stronger than you."

Þrándur: "I also have a better weapon than you."

Þrándur: "Do you wanna go."

Þorsteinn: "Sure."

Þrándur: "Btw I'm so unafraid of your puny self that I'm just going to tie my shoelace now."

Þorsteinn: "Er... well... ok..."

Þorsteinn: *chop*

84b

Steinar: "Did you kill my expensive slave you arse?"

Þorsteinn: "I so did. Btw this is now, what, the third year that you're letting your cattle in my lands. I've been really patient with you and I've only killed two slaves of yours, but next year I'll kill every single herder you send there ok?"

Steinar: "I'll fucking sue you!"

Þorsteinn: "Be my guest."

84c

Egill: "I don't like that Þorsteinn but I like it even less when someone meddles with my property."

Þorsteinn arrives at the Þing a day earlier than everyone else and sets up his booths plus one that's HUGE but empty for some reason. The hearing of the case goes by and Steinar's reeeeally certain he's going to win. Except.

Egill: "Hello friends I am here and a huge armed force with me, we're all veryveryvery interested in hearing what this is all about. Btw I'm not going to wait for two years before I start killing people, my son's such a wuss."

Egill: "ÖNUNDUR ARE YOU HERE. What's this business between your son and mine?"

Önundur: "Beats me old friend, I had nothing to do with this."

Egill: "So how about we fix this mess that those brats have made?"

Önundur: "I like this idea. Steinar I'm taking over this case so shut up and stop making things worse. Egill, how about you decide how this goes."

Egill: :D

85

Egill: "You do know that the first one who came here was my dad Skalla-Grímur and he gave your grandpa the land you're now living on, don't even try to tell me you've somehow managed to forget where the border between the lands is. There's gonna be no atonement for the slaves, also you'll lose your lands and Steinar has to leave entirely."

Önundur: "WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK MAN I THOUGHT YOU'D BE FAIR"

Egill: "Many have made that mistake before."



Part 19.