Egils saga, part 12.

56a

Egill: "Bad news is that Þórólfur's dead. Er... uhh... um... me, I could now... um... protect you and..."

Egill: "...?"

Ásgerður: "Yeaaaaah lemme think about it for a year or two."

Arinbjörn: "What's with the gloomy face?"

Egill: *composes complicated Old Norse poetry about some fancy lady who's treating him badly although he's a nice guy*

Arinbjörn: "Oh Ásgerður, Egill wants to marry you."

Ásgerður: "Hm, I don't know..."

Arinbjörn: "It's settled then! The wedding's ASAP."

Egils saga, part 11.

50

Aðalsteinn is the king of England. Those of you that have watched History Channel's Vikings know him by his English name Athelstan. Btw Norse people of the age of Athelstan/Aðalsteinn knew damn well where Britain was, that tv-series will seriously give me the plague and other harms by everything that's historically incorrect in it.

Anyway this Aðalsteinn is now the king of England. The Irish and the Scots don't like this.

Aðalsteinn: "I seriously need an army ASAP. Hay anyone anywhere of any nation or ethnicity who wants to be paid well come get chopped by my enemies pls."

Þórólfur: "Sounds good!"

Egill: "Too right!"

Egils saga, part 10.

46

Þórólfur and Egill go about the coast killing, burning and stealing stuff a lot. One time Egill and his men go missing. This is because:

Egill: "Oh hay there's a totally empty house over there! Let's loot it!"

This part goes well but the next one doesn't - the owner returns and he has lots of friends with him. Everyone in Egill's team is taken a prisoner. Egill in particular is tied up well and tight and then to a post as well.

Ok, he's just lifted the whole post off the floor and now Egill's is munching through the ropes around his wrists and NOW HE'S FREE, EGILL ADVANCES AND NOW HIS MEN ARE FREE AS WELL AND -

(Apologies, ice hockey overload.)

Egill & friends find a random Dane under the floor. He turns out to know all sorts of useful stuff such as where to get out, where the treasure is and where the house owner keeps their stock of weapons. Egill shows he has his priorities straight and instead of treasure he steals a barrel of mead.

Egill: "Oh hay we totally forgot to taunt the house owner. Let's do it!"

Others: "Yeah right no bad idea we're off to the ship now."

Egill: "Oh hay everyone in the house, I have just set it on fire and none of you can get out lol."

Then he watches people roast for a while, carries on back to the ship and there finds out that the mead casket is actually full of silver and not alcohol. We don't know how he feels about this.

Egils saga, part 9.

41

Meanwhile that Brynjólfur dies. He was the dad of that Björn who kidnapped that Þóra.

Þórólfur goes to see him, drops off Ásgerður and then goes to king Eiríkur.

Þórólfur: "Oh my dad loved the axe, told me to tell you thank you for it and he sent you this ship here. This is all true and not a clever lie that shows just how diplomatic I can be when I know I'm otherwise risking the bad temper of a king."

Þórólfur: "And hello friend Þórir I am here. This brat's my little brother, can you put him up somewhere plz. He's a bit helpless without me, see."

Egill: "I'm, like, right here."

Arinbjörn: "Hay I'm Þórir's son. You should be friends with me."

Egils saga, part 8.

36

Björn and Þórólfur are sailing about Norway and going to east to ransack people's homes so all is as should be. OK ONE PROBLEM: Þórir (brother of kidnapped Þóra) is the foster father of Haraldur Hairy's favourite son Eiríkur Bloodaxe. Eiríkur sees Þórólfur's ship and begins to fancy it immediately.

Björn: "Er... Þórólfur... that's Haraldur's son right there and knowing his genes it might be a good idea to just give that ship to him."

Þórólfur: "This would be a good plan."

Eiríkur vows to become eternal friend of Þórólfur's. Well. Well well well. Anyway they go meet his dad Haraldur, who's rather testy at Þórólfur because OMG THOSE SONS OF KVELD-ÚLFUR NEVER RESPECT ME I HAVE DONE THEM NOTHING BUT GOOD THINGS AND THEY'RE UNREASONABLE OMG. Then Eiríkur Bloodaxe is like DAAAA-AAA-AAAD COME OOOONNNN HE'S NOT EVEN HIS SON BUT HIS GRANDSON and Haraldur's like ok, but I don't evereverever want to see this Þórólfur again and btw son ILU but you're an idiot.

Egils saga, part 7.

31

Skalla-Grímur and Bera pop out a lot of babies but they all die. Then they get one that doesn't die and that one's called Þórólfur, just like his brother. This may be ominous.

Anyway Þórólfur turns out to be a real pretty boy just like Þórólfur. There's two daughters Sæunn and Þórunn too.

Then they get another son but this one's ugly. His name's Egill. Yes it's chapter 31 and finally the hero of the saga has been born.

Anyway this Egill is the size of a seven year old at age three.

Egill: "Dad I want to go to Yngvar's party!"

Skalla-Grímur: "You get into fights when you're sober, no way you're gonna go somewhere where people are drinking."

So Egill steals a horse, goes to the party and composes complicated Old Norse poetry like, you know, any three year old Icelandic child tends to do.

Egils saga, part 6.

26

A Guttormur dies. He's the foster father of Haraldur Dramaking so naturally Haraldur wants to be nice. He orders Hallvarður and Sigtryggur to go get Guttormur's sons and bring them to serve him.

(The daughters can just stay where they are.)

Egils saga, part 5.

21

Haraldur: "Yeah Sigtryggur and Hallvarður, that Þórólfur sure robbed you two dry that one time didn't he."

Sigtryggur + Hallvarður: "We want to go chop Þórólfur because he looted our home."

Haraldur: "As if you could do shit fuk. You might sail north but you'll come back sailing AND rowing ha ha."