Egils saga, part 10.

46

Þórólfur and Egill go about the coast killing, burning and stealing stuff a lot. One time Egill and his men go missing. This is because:

Egill: "Oh hay there's a totally empty house over there! Let's loot it!"

This part goes well but the next one doesn't - the owner returns and he has lots of friends with him. Everyone in Egill's team is taken a prisoner. Egill in particular is tied up well and tight and then to a post as well.

Ok, he's just lifted the whole post off the floor and now Egill's is munching through the ropes around his wrists and NOW HE'S FREE, EGILL ADVANCES AND NOW HIS MEN ARE FREE AS WELL AND -

(Apologies, ice hockey overload.)

Egill & friends find a random Dane under the floor. He turns out to know all sorts of useful stuff such as where to get out, where the treasure is and where the house owner keeps their stock of weapons. Egill shows he has his priorities straight and instead of treasure he steals a barrel of mead.

Egill: "Oh hay we totally forgot to taunt the house owner. Let's do it!"

Others: "Yeah right no bad idea we're off to the ship now."

Egill: "Oh hay everyone in the house, I have just set it on fire and none of you can get out lol."

Then he watches people roast for a while, carries on back to the ship and there finds out that the mead casket is actually full of silver and not alcohol. We don't know how he feels about this.



47

The rescued Dane, Áki (and his two sons) are very helpful in telling Egill and Þórólfur which parts of Denmark are best for ransacking. Egill smashes his way through walls a lot.

48a

There's an earl called Arnfinnur. Þórólfur decides to not attack him because he doesn't have enough wealth for the trouble. This understandably makes the earl happy and there's a party. They draw lots to who gets to sit with which girl and Egill gets Arnfinnur's daughter.

Daughter: "Hay brat why you sit in my seat?"

Egill: "Let me compose you a poem that explains this."

48b

Þórólfur & Egill: "Hi Þórir we're back!"

Arinbjörn: "AWESOME hey Egill why don't you stay here for the winter?"

Þórir: "With king Eiríkur being all buttmad at him over killing that Bárður? I DON'T BLOODY THINK SO."

Arinbjörn: "But daa-aa-aaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaaad..."

Þórir: "...and that's the story. I was just going to have that Þórólfur at our place for the winter but that brat tagged along, so..."

Eiríkur Bloodaxe: "Yeah I see your point, it's ok -"

Gunnhildur: "AHEM"

Eiríkur Bloodaxe: "OF COURSE WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS THAT IT'S NOT OK sorry dear."

49a

Gunnhildur: "Hay my brothers Eyvindur and Álfur, I totally wouldn't mind if you two went and chopped some Skalla-Grímur's son, I'm not fussy about which one it is."

Eyvindur & Álfur: "AYE AYE"

Þórir: "We're off to sacrifice some stuff with Þórólfur but I really don't want that brat with us throwing his bad temper around so you stay home with him Arinbjörn. Keep an eye on him."

Egill: "Ooooh it's ok, if Arinbjörn's not going then I don't even want to come with you."

Egill: "This, by the way, is no sign of my gayness. I'm totes het, just madly in love with my brother's wife."

Egill: "And we won't talk any more about that ok?"

ANYWAY the sacrifices go ok. Eyvindur and Álfur keep failing to kill Þórólfur and this makes Gunnhildur unhappy. Note, dear readers, that this woman has even Eiríkur Bloodaxe (who by no means is a gentle soul himself)(in fact he was mean enough to turn his own country against himself in the end) firmly under her toes so her unhappiness is a severe thing make no mistake.

49b

People are again paired off to drink in pairs. IDK what this viking sport is and why it sounds so gay to read about Eyvindur or Álfur being paired with Þorvaldur or Þorfinnur. These two lads are Björn's friends and therefore on Þórólfur's side. ANYWAY unfair drinking happens, the saga says.

Eyvindur chops Þorvaldur which is a big mistake. Remember that bit about sacrifices - they're on holy ground and no one should even be carrying a weapon with them. Oh well, if you have to make a choice between angering a horde of Old Norse Gods or Gunnhildur most of us would probably have chosen the same.

49c

Eyvindur has to be sent out of the country though. He's sent to Haraldur Gormsson who's a king in Denmark.

Þórólfur: "What up, men in the boat over there?"

Men in the boat: "Remember that Áki who you guys saved, he just sent us to warn you that there's an Eyvindur lurking at this place who wants to chop you so you won't loot this country too badly."

Þórólfur: "Ah, thanks for tell- errrrrrrrrrrrrrr Egill where did you get those two warships?"

Egill: "Let me compose you a poem of how I just sneaked upon Eyvindur, chopped his men and stole his ships."



Part 11.