5/24/13

Egils saga, part 11.

50

Aðalsteinn is the king of England. Those of you that have watched History Channel's Vikings know him by his English name Athelstan. Btw Norse people of the age of Athelstan/Aðalsteinn knew damn well where Britain was, that tv-series will seriously give me the plague and other harms by everything that's historically incorrect in it.

Anyway this Aðalsteinn is now the king of England. The Irish and the Scots don't like this.

Aðalsteinn: "I seriously need an army ASAP. Hay anyone anywhere of any nation or ethnicity who wants to be paid well come get chopped by my enemies pls."

Þórólfur: "Sounds good!"

Egill: "Too right!"



51

Ólafur the Red is a Scot but a bit of a Dane by his mother's side. Curiously a lot of people in his area have some Dane in them, idk either it's catchy or just something in the water.

Aðalsteinn is not as awesome as his dad and grandpa were. This calls for a revolution.

52a

Ólafur the Red: "Aðalsteinn's first army was a piece of cake."

Aðalsteinn: "hghgnhghgnhnhngnnnggh"

Ólafur the Red: "...the second one wasn't much stronger. And here I thought it would be difficult to randomly become the king of all England?"

Aðalsteinn: "hgmhnghmgnhmgnhgmmmmh"

Þórólfur and Egill find themselves the commanders of Aðalsteinn's army. All the other ones have either died, fled or turned traitor.

52b

Massive boss battle begins: winner shall become the king of England.

FIRST STAGE: Aðalsteinn pitches up three times as many tents as his men need! Except many of them are totally empty!

This is super effective: Ólafur the Red is impressed.

SECOND STAGE: Aðalsteinn does not show up. Instead he's said to come "tomorrow" every day.

This is super effective: Ólafur the Red is annoyed.

THIRD STAGE: Aðalsteinn uses bribery!

This is super duper effective! Ólafur's generals are swayed! Except they wouldn't be Scots if they didn't also see a good haggling when it's being dangled right in front of them so they say no to bribery, we'll continue as before because Aðalsteinn's SECOND offer will probably be even better.

52c

Just as predicted, king Aðalsteinn uses an even better deal. This is also super duper effective! Ólafur's generals are, again, swayed. But now Ólafur's seeing a weak opponent and demands to also have all the areas he's conquered so far besides the money.

Aðalsteinn: "Well how about you go home without any money and become my bitch."

Ólafur the Red: "...I take it this means war."

53

Hringur and Aðils, previously Aðalsteinn's men but now turned traitor, plan to go attack Aðalsteinn's troops in the middle of the night. Except they get spotted right away so so much for the surprise.

Þórólfur and Egill are happily hacking away at Hringur and Aðils' army until Þórólfur sort of berserks a bit. He chops his way through the army to the enemy's banner, cuts it down and then makes a new banner out of... er... Hringur.

I mean it like, he pokes him through with his halberd and lifts him up on it.

Massive lack of moral in Hringur and Aðils' troops ensues.

54

Aðalsteinn: "You two brothers fight really well together! I think it's a smart idea to make you battle well apart. I won't explain this logic."

Egill: "No really now, you do have to explain stupid logic like that."

Þórólfur: "Naah."

Egill: "Ok then. I know you're gonna die if we do it (I don't actually like you that much and I have the hots for your wife; I'm not saying it aloud but there it is).

Yeah it goes badly. In sagas if someone says something sounds like a bad idea and is all fateful sounding about it then someone gonna argl and no mistake. This time it's - surprise surprise - Þórólfur.

Bet you didn't see that coming!

55

Aðalsteinn has no worries though - fighting goes well, there's Egill going mildly berskies at the enemy and eventually Ólafur the Red gets the chop.

Þórólfur gets a burial and some poems by Egill. Afterwards he goes to Aðalsteinn's party and acts in a massively creepy way, sitting quietly on a bench with a sword on his lap, half-drawing and re-sheathing it all the time. Besides this he keeps lifting his one eyebrow up and frowning the other one down.

Needless to say Aðalsteinn needs nothing like that to dampen his party. He gives Egill's some gold, and he stops doing that weird thing with his eyebrows and starts partying normally.

Aðalsteinn gives him two chests of silver just to be on the safe side.



Part 12.

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