Egils saga, part 12.

56a

Egill: "Bad news is that Þórólfur's dead. Er... uhh... um... me, I could now... um... protect you and..."

Egill: "...?"

Ásgerður: "Yeaaaaah lemme think about it for a year or two."

Arinbjörn: "What's with the gloomy face?"

Egill: *composes complicated Old Norse poetry about some fancy lady who's treating him badly although he's a nice guy*

Arinbjörn: "Oh Ásgerður, Egill wants to marry you."

Ásgerður: "Hm, I don't know..."

Arinbjörn: "It's settled then! The wedding's ASAP."



56b

Egill: "And now I shall sail away."

Arinbjörn: "Yeah, it would be a bad idea to spend much time in Norway, you know how Gunnhildur feels about you robbing two warships from her brother Eyvindur."

Egill goes to Iceland, is rich and becomes more and more bald.

57a

Björn dies, his son-in-law Berg-Önundur takes everything he used to own.

Egill: "And I'm married to his daughter. HMMMMMMM."

Arinbjörn: "Weeeellll but do remember that Berg-Önundur's a good friend of Eiríkur and Gunnhildur's."

Egill: "Berg-Önundur, cough up my part - UUUUUH I MEAN MY WIFE'S PART - of the goods!"

Berg-Önundur: "NO, and btw your wife's mum was kidnapped anyway."

Egill: "You're so sued now."

57b

Egill: "My wife's the lawful heiress cause she was born first!"

Berg-Önundur: "Except her mum was kidnapped and raped and we all know those kinds of children don't count!"

Egill: "WAT."

Arinbjörn: "WAT."

Lots of men are called witness to how Þóra the kidnapped was totally legally married to Björn and not raped at all. Eiríkur's about to be swayed because there really is no legal thing that he could hold against Egill.

Gunnhildur: "Well first I shall send my men to attack the court if you all don't terribly mind, tee hee!"

57c

Egill: "FIGHT ME."

Eiríkur: "Who, me? Gladly -"

Egill: "Not you stupid, Berg-Önundur!"

Arinbjörn: "Could you not, let's just go home and -"

Egill: "WAT. Ok before we go I'll just forbid Berg-Önundur from using any of Björn's lands, you heard me so don't you dare."

Arinbjörn: "Yesyesyesyesyes come ooooooooooooooooonnnn..."

57d

Arinbjörn: "Look, I told you it was a bad idea. Now be off, sail AND row and don't even stop for the nights and you just might make it out of here alive."

Eiríkur: "Oh Arinbjörn, you wouldn't happen to have Egill onboard?"

Arinbjörn: "Naaaah his ship's much faster than mine."

There's this dude called Ketill that looks a LOT like Eiríkur, idk this sounds a bit bad for him. Anyway Egill totally disregards the advice about rowing at nights as well and of course Eiríkur's ships catch up with his.

Egill: *throws a spear*

Ketill: "Argl."

Egill: "Oh - OH! Sorry about that, my bad, thought it was the king."

Then Egill and his men find a handy shallow - their ship's a lot smaller and lighter than Eiríkur's warships so they can't follow him there. Eiríkur gives up without even trying anything wtf.

Egill: "Hay Arinbjörn, I -"

Arinbjörn: "WILL go to Iceland now and STAY there."

58a

Gunnhildur has a son that's named Haraldur. Nomen est omen? Haraldur dies. The king, not the kid.

Eiríkur: "Whoah I have lots of brothers. My arms hurt already and I've only managed to kill Ólafur and Sigurður."

Eiríkur: "Oh yes and almost forgot: Egill's now an outlaw. Go hack at him at will, boys!"

Egill: "OH YEAH?"

58b

Spies: "We saw Egill leave Norway!"

Berg-Önundur: "PARTY-TIME!!!"

Egill's spy: "For some reason they're all drunk out of their minds."

Egill: "Hey kids there, why are you walking around with huge dogs?"

Kids: "You daft or what? There's a freaking bear at large here! Btw why are you heavily armed?"

Egill: "Uh - heh - wellWELL IT'S BECAUSE OF THAT BEAR yeah, I'm afraid of the bear."

Egill: "ANYWAY now the bear's over there so go tell Berg-Önundur and his men about it."

58c

Berg-Önundur, Haddur (his brother) and a guy called Fróði all ran at the supposed bear. They circle a moving bush but of course the only bear there is gonna be Egill.

Egill: *chop* *chop* *chop*

Egill: "Place looted, people killed, everything in ord- hay whose ship is that now? FIGHT ME YOU"

Rögnvaldur, Eiríkur's older son: "Argl."

Before he leaves for Iceland Egill puts up a pole with a horse head on it and curse runes on the sides to further annoy Eiríkur. These things are called níðstöng and they're a superb form of curse, apparently. You'd think this would be a Medieval practice but actually last year's winter (2012) someone raised one such a níðstöng in Breiðholt, Reykjavík!

Wasn't me though.

Honest.



Part 13.