Grettis saga, part 12.

56

Þórir: "Hey Þórir go do something about that Grettir."

Þórir: "Hnnn."

Þórir: "Hey Grettir can I live with you?"

Grettir: "Sure, cool, this is a wise choice and not like I've been betrayed before."

Then Grettir makes Þórir do all the work and is still himself a lazy fuck.

Þórir: "This pisses me off."

Þórir: *breaks their boat*

Þórir: "Hey Grettir wat do, our boat's smashed and the nets are still out there and I can't swim."

Grettir swims out and gets all the nets back, and when he comes back Þórir tries to chop him. Grettir dives back and manages to sneak upon Þórir and then Þórir gets the chop.



57

Þórir (the same who thinks Grettir burned his sons deliberately): "Ok this pisses me off."

Grettir: "Neener neener neener!"

Þórir: "Grettir's in that narrow pass, he's a man of monstrous strength and skill at arms so it's smart that we go at him one by one!"

Þórir: "For some reason this is not working!"

Þórir: "Someone sneak behind him!"

Þórir: "Why do the ones sneaking behind him keep dying as well?!"

Grettir: "Beats me man, I'm not doing them in or anything I'm well busy with you lot!"

Þórir: "Ok you know what fuck this I'm going home!"

Grettir: "Oh hay there Loftur. I see you killed everyone who tried to sneak up on me I kind of like you a lot."

Hallmundur/Loftur: "Actually I'm Hallmundur. Want to come live at my place?"

58

Grettir lives at Hallmundur's for a bit and then he goes to see hie friend Björn. Björn's like, k you can stay at this secret cave and I'll help you and all, just don't rob my people ok, rob this other dude's people cause I hate him, and Grettir's pretty fine with that.

59

Gísli: "So I hear you guys can't get a single man killed is that correct."

Þórður: "You're free to try yourself if you'll do any better."

Gísli: "OK but let's keep this a secret and I won't take anyone with me to help me I'm so awesome."

Þórður: "Oh my God man you indeed are awesome!"

Random men who are actually friends of Björn: "Nice secret you guys have there."

Then Gísli has a magnificent idea that he and his men (whatever happened to going to meet Grettir alone?) dress up real fancy and strut their stuff around Grettir's hiding area. Sure enough, when he sees all that bling and swag he cannot contain himself and charges right at them.

Gísli: "Did not think it would be quite this easy."

Gísli: "Ok men please stop dying."

Gísli: "I do NOT like this."

Gísli then does one of the most amazing escape attempts: he runs off and every now and then he throws off a piece of clothing. It's like a combination of playing tag and strip poker. Adding an element of another kind of a game entirely, when Grettir catches him he ties him up with what little clothing he still has left on him and spanks him.

Yes you read that right.

60

Þórður's son Arnór gets up a group of men and they all attack Grettir when he's once again stealing sheep. Big mistake. Grettir fights them until they're all either dead, crippled or shitting themselves.


Part 13.