Gísla saga Súrssonar, part 1.

It's bears to notice that with Gísla saga Súrssonar the English "translation" that is up at the Icelandic Saga Database is so different from the Icelandic one that they might as well be two different stories. The saga I'm writing here is the Icelandic version, not the English.


1.

There's a man in Norway called Þorkell who has three sons: Ari, Gísli and Þorbjörn. Ari marries Ingigerður who brings along a thrall called Kolur when she moves in. All's just fine except this berserk comes along and is like

Björn the Black: "Ooh sweet lady and even sweeter house that guy has over there. He's so going to duel me."

Ari: "Ok but oh shit, you're invincible!" *dies*

Gísli: "Me next!"

Björn the Black: "Suit yourself."

Ingibjörg: "Hey, Gísli, you're kind of sexy and now that that annoying Ari's out of the way I want you. Kolur has this awesome sword that can practically do its own killing so go borrow it from him."

Gísli: "Cool." *chopchopchop*

(Berserk dude and his group exit the saga at this point via headchop in case you were wondering.)

Kolur: "Give me back the sword."

Gísli: "No way man hands off! Get your own!"

Kolur: "THAT IS MY OWN SWORD YOU FUCKER!" *brandishes ax*

Gísli: "GUESS AGAIN BITCH!" *brandishes sword*

Simultaneous headchop ensues.

2.

Þorbjörn: "I guess I kind of inherited everything now."

Þorbjörn's children are Þórdís, Þorkell, Gísli and Ari. This makes things confusing because read chapter one.

There are two men called Bárður and Kolbjörn. Bárður likes to woo Þórdís and people start to gossip about whether or not Þórdís is slutty because hey, a man likes her! That's the truest sign of a slut if anything.

Gísli: "Stop hanging around my sister."

Bárður: "No."

Gísli: *chop*

Þorkell: "Dude, that was, like, my best friend!"

Þorkell indeed is not amused. He goes to a guy called Skeggi, nicknamed Holmgöngu-Skeggja which sounds a bit like he likes to duel a lot.

Þorkell: "Avenge my friend plz and you can have my sister."

Skeggi: "Cool."

Þorbjörn: "As her father I say no, anyway she's hanging out with Kolbjörn now."

Skeggi: "Lol not for long!"

Kolbjörn: "Somehow I'm fucked and I didn't do anything."

Gísli: "Let me handle this." *chop* "Need more reminders, Skeggi, or is one leg enough?"

Þorkell: "Ok I forgive you, let's be friends again."

3.

Einar and Árni are Skeggi's sons. You know where this is going.

Einar and Árni: "Kolbjörn, either you help us burn that Gísli and his family or we kill you."

Kolbjörn: "Heh, yeah I never cared about that guy let's go!"

The attackers used FIRE. It's not very effective. First the people inside the house keep putting the fire out with whey and when it finally takes hold they escape via a hole in the wall. Then Gísli gets some friends and they go show Kolbjörn how burning people in their houses is really done and afterwards they go and chop some Skeggi and his sons.

4.

The Þorbjörn family goes to Iceland. They're now nicknamed "soursop" (= Súrsson) because they used whey to put out that fire idk it was probably logical to give this sort of nicknames during medieval times. There's a whole chapter worth of various family trees, then Þorbjörn and his wife Þóra die.

5.

Þorkell marries Ásgerður, Gísli marries Auður. They make great friends with a Þorsteinn whose children are Þórdís, Þorgrímur and Börkur which just means Bork, and yes everyone and their horses is called Þor-something again. They finally manage to marry Þórdís to Þorgrímur Þorsteinn's son. Not his own sister, the other Þórdís.



Part 2.