3/28/10

Brennu-Njáls saga, part 7.

82

Þráinn Somethingsson goes to Norway and shamelessly flaunts he's related to Gunnar the Awesome. Everyone's very impressed. Some random Kol is an asshole so Þráinn gets some action totalling him. Everyone's very impressed again. An Earl gives him a ship called Vulture and Þráinn is very impressed and decides he stay with this sugardaddy for a bit longer.

83

Grímur and Helgi, two of Njáll's sons, sail away until they find some spot of land and are greeted with 13 battleships.

Grjótgarður: "So guys, 13 ships against your one, givus sum loot or we kill you all?"

Helgi: "COME AND TRY GET IT SHITFACE -"

The rest of the crew pretty much headboats like mad for the remaining chapter.

84

*MAD FIGHTING*

Some ship sails by with a guy in silk kirtle holding a sparkly spear. Helgi and Grímur never pass a chance to chat up someone like that so they spend half of the chapter in amicable discussion of the family and howsyerdad and near future plans while apparently also battling 13 ships full of warriors. Tell you what guys, Icelanders are cool fukken muthafukas.

85

...and they even beat 13 battleships!

Anyways there's an Earl again, a different one this time but like all Earls he has a liking for Vikings.

Earl: "Shit I haven't had any mail for, like, ages!"

Helgi: "Well, the logical explanation for the mail to be late is that some enemy of yours has brutally murdered the mailman, chopped him in five pieces and buried them around the place and don't ask me how I know this."

86

Earl wages war with mailman-killers. Silk kirtle goes with him but he still wins because he also has sum Viking now to throw on the battlefield. Lots of people are hastily named in this chapter because they get speared in the next moment and it's always important that the reader knows exactly who dies, how, and whose son he was and who was his grandpa and if he has any pretty sheep those have to be mentioned too.

87

Kolbeinn has a ship and takes on Hrappur who has to flee the country because he's killed someone illegally.

Kolbeinn: "You better have money worth all this trouble."

Hrappur: "Yeah, er, I do, yeah, er, in Iceland. That's right, in Iceland. Honest."

Kolbeinn: "...ffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFF"

Hrappur: "Hey Guðbrandur, your daughter Guðrun's sort of sweet."

Guðbrandur: "Better not touch her, buttface!"

Guðrun: "Er, now I'm sort of preg..."

Guðbrandur: "WAT."

Hrappur kills lots of people (illegally again) and hides in a forest because angry father-in-laws are the worst. Shit this chapter is long. And then he comes across some Tófi who's a kidnapper and a rapist so they get along just smashingly.

88

Hrappur goes to steal from a shrine, burns it down (but first carries the statues out because there's some things you just don't do to a God) and once more kills people, completely illegally, and runs.

Guðbrandur: "Wow, shrine's burned down but at least the Gods made it out in time. Swwwwee-eeet!"

Earl Hákon: "It's that Hrappur again you dolt."

Guðbrandur: "...oh."

Helgi and Grímur have met Þráinn and when Hrappur comes running screaming he's being oppressed again, mercy mercy, they do what any good man with a heart in his chest would do: consider throwing him overboard. But then Þráinn decides one should always help a multiple homicide case and hides him in two casks.

Hákon: "Seen Hrappur around?"

Þráinn: "...nnno?"

Hákon sails away but HEY! That Hrappur could have been hidden in two casks! So he rows back. Þráinn goes SHITDAMN and hides Hrappur in a sack instead.

Hákon: "Seen Hrappur in the two casks?"

Þráinn: "...nnno?"

Hákon sails away again but HEY! That Hrappur coud have been hidden in a sack! So he rows back. Þráinn goes SHITFUK and rolls Hrappur into the sail instead.

Hákon: "Seen Hrappur in the sack?"

Þráinn: "Is that a trick question?"

So they eventually run away and get to Iceland where Hrappur starts sweet-talking Hallgerður but we all know what happens to anyone who touches that bitch so it's probably ok.



Part 8.

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