Brennu-Njáls saga, part 1.

Before we begin: this saga is shortened from the English version of Icelandic Saga Database. I've already noticed there being some differences between the original and this one, so at some point I'm going to do a full rehash. Regardless, the main story is the same in both versions, unlike in some other English versions used on that website (with some sagas I´m half not sure if I'm reading the same story in the translations)(I don't know why that is)(and it's annoying).


1

Höskuldur: "How's my daughter Hallgerður then, o brother o mine?"

Hrútur: "Ugly eyes."

After this the brothers didn't talk to each other until the second chapter.

2

Höskuldur: "Gee whizz bro, you being unmarried is kind of gay."

Hrútur: "Oh."

Mörður: "Here's me daughter Unnur, you can have her."

Hrútur: "Oh."

3

Hrútur: "So I got a girl I should prolly marry now so no one thinks I'm gay BUT instead I'll go to Norway for three years."

King of Norway: "Yo. Go see my mum."

Gunnhildur: "Fuck me."

Hrútur: "K."

4

There's a guy called Wolf the Unwashed in this one.

5

Hrútur kills some guy called Atli.

Atli: "argl."

6

Gunnhildur: "So, you got a wife in Iceland?"

Hrútur: "Er, no."

Gunnhildur: "Cool, 'cause I'm putting this curse on you that if you had a wife there you wouldn't get it up with her like ever."

Hrútur: "Oh."

So he goes home and marries Unnur, but oh how sad, she would have liked some sexing.

7

Unnur: "Dad I want a divorce!"

Mörður: "Huh? Like why? He's a great guy and rich and doesn't leave marks."

Unnur: "But I don't want any of that... I'd rather... I'd rather... just... [music] sing!"

Mörður: "Stop that! Stop that! Ok divorce him!"

8

Mörður: "So, like, you didn't want to fuck my daughter so give me back the dowry now."

Hrútur: "Come and try to get it. Go on, make my day."

Mörður: "Shit."

9

Þorvaldur: "Hey, can I marry that Hallgerður of yours?"

Höskuldur: "Sure."

10

Höskuldur: "Hey, you're so married to Þorvaldur now."

Hallgerður: "No."

Höskuldur: "Yes."

Hallgerður: "WAT."

11

Hallgerður: "So, like, we're all going hungry now dear husband so go get us some shark already."

Þorvaldur: "Starve, bitch." *slap*

Hallgerður: "Þjóstólfur do something!"

Þjóstólfur: "Gotcha."

Þorvaldur: "argl."

12

Þjóstólfur: "Shiiiit they'll be after me now Y/Y?"

Hallgerður: "Go see my uncle."

Ósvíf goes after him to avenge his son but the weather turns bad so he just goes home instead.

13

Glúmur: "See, bros, I got this Hallgerður in mind. What say I marry her?"

Þórarinn: "Dude you fucking insane? She got her first husband killed!"

Höskuldur: "Yeah! And I had to pay the fines!"

Glúmur: "But I can change her! With my love!"

Hrútur: "Um, if we ask her and she promises to behave..."

Hallgerður comes in and is wearing clothes and has her hair on. Everyone's so totally impressed.

14

Hallgerður has a baby girl and names her Þorgerður, by which time the reader starts to wonder wth is everyone in this story called Thor-something.

15

Þjóstólfur: "So, er, can I move in with you guys?"

Glúmur: "Sure, it's a great idea to let the killer of my wife's former husband in!"

16

Glúmur: "On a second thought, that Þjóstólfur is such a wanker."

Hallgerður: "Noooooooooooo -"

Glúmur: *slap*

Hallgerður: "Er, Þjóstólfur, what are you going to do with that ax- NO STOPSTOPSTOP I LOVE HIM -"

17

Glúmur: "argl."

Hallgerður: "Hrútur do something!"

Þjóstólfur: "argl."

18

Mörður: "argl."

But he died of natural causes, even though one could argue getting murdered was a perfectly natural cause of death for an Icelandic man of the time.



Part 2.