30.
Geirmundur: "I changed my mind I'm dumping this bitch and my one year old daughter bye."
Þuríður: "Except I just stole your sword and left the daughter in its stead. And now I'm on a boat."
Geirmundur: "AFTER HER, MEN"
Men: "...somehow there's a hole in our ship."
Þuríður: "I did it, with my little drill."
Geirmundur's a bit of a sore loser and he curses the sword so that it'll kill the most important family member of Þuríður's. Logically Þuríður then gives the sword to Bolli because obvy it's a good idea to keep a sword with this sort of a curse instead of, say, destroying it.
(Btw somehow no one cares what becomes of the baby girl.)
31.
Þuríður marries again and just like her dad Ólafur the Sexy she has gazillion babies.
Ólafur kills an ox of his but that's a big mistake because the ox was actually an elf lady's son. Btw we're not talking about Tolkien elves here, we're talking about vicious Icelandic ones that sometimes kill people simply for the fun of it. This one vows to kill Ólafur's son, or you know, one of them. I lost count how many he had already.
32.
Ósvífur is the son of blah blah blah somehow all these people are someone's sons. Anyways he has gazillion babies too and one of them's a total babe, Guðrún. All you fujoshi reading this story this is your arch enemy.
Þórður's also someone's son and his wife is Auður but she's not a babe at all.
33.
Guðrún: "So I had these dreams that I had a butt-ugly hat and then I threw it away. Then I had a silver ring and dropped it into a pool. Then I had a gold ring but I fell on my face like a bork and it broke. And then I had this helmet on but I tilted my head and it fell and rolled into the sea."
Gestur: "It just means you'll have four husbands and they'll all die and it might be your fault. Except the first one you're prolly just going to dump in some heinous and cruel way that will forever damage his reputation. That, or you're the most careless bitch ever when it comes to your belongings."
Ólafur: "Cool, what about my sons?"
(Enter a group of wet, naked and good-looking young men. Kjartan and Bolli are totally flicking their hair around and flexing their muscles and putting sun lotion on each other I promise this is how it happens in the saga, honest. The fujoshi better be taking notes now.)
Gestur: "That Kjartan's going to be a pretty awesome man for all his life!"
Ólafur: "Cool!"
Gestur: "Kinda sad it won't be a long one though.
34.
Ólafur: "Guðrún you're going to marry this Þorvaldur guy and it's a good match cause he likes you a lot and even agreed to a deal that half of everything he owns should be yours."
Guðrún: "Ew Þorvaldur you're so beta!"
Þorvaldur: "But but but I'm a NICE husband."
Guðrún: "Exactly, EW EW EW. Buy me that thing over there."
Þorvaldur: "It's kind of expens-"
Guðrún: "DID I ASK THAT. BUY IT FOR ME FUCKER."
Þorvaldur: "I've bought you half the Iceland already you bitch!" *slap*
Guðrún: "Þórðuuuuuuuurrr halp, Þorvaldur's being awful to me!"
Þórður: "It's cool, just make him a shirt with a low cut neck and tell everyone he's a crossdresser and then divorce him and take half of everything he owns."
35.
Guðrún: "That Þórður's kinda hot but he's married, wat do. Oh! Þórður I juuuuuuuuuust heard people say that Auður your wife is a crossdresser too! Honest!"
Þórður: "WAT. That bitch is so divorced now! I'll do it publicly and shame her in front of everyone, this is smart. Then I'll marry you."
Auður's like, ok, good to know. Then the next summer she dons trousers and sneaks at Þórður's place while he sleeps, and then happily hacks at him for a while. Þórður survives though. After this Auður goes home and sits there quietly, I presume, and Þórður drowns at sea.
Part 8.
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