1/25/13

Laxdæla saga, part 10.

46.

There's a winter party.

Random woman: "So who's getting the best seat tonight?"

Guðrún: " -!"

Kjartan: "Hrefna."

Guðrún: "WTF I always had the best seat! OH WELL I'M STILL NOT JEALOUS."

Kjartan: "Hey guys has anyone seen my sword?"

Guðrún: "Lol what you looking at me for?"

A spy called Án finds out that a Þórólfur who's Guðrún's brother hid the sword in a swamp. The next party is at Bolli and Guðrún's place and who would have thunk, that awesome headdress that Hrefna now owns somehow mysteriously goes missing.

Ólafur: "Ok Kjartan, we all know what's been going on but it's best to just ignore it. We don't want a bloody war on our hands, especially not within the family, so just be quiet and -"

Kjartan: "BOLLI YOU BITCH YOU'RE STEALING OUR STUFF."

Bolli: "What?!"

Guðrún: "What?!"



47.

Kjartan: "Nevermind me folks, I'm just closing you all inside the main building. Yeah I know the toilet's out here. Have fun doing your business in the pots and pans instead."

Pretty much everyone in Bolli and Guðrún's house: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"

Þórarinn wants to sell land and makes a deal of it with Bolli and Guðrún, but there's not enough witnesses to prove it. So Kjartan goes to him and pretty much tells him to either sell it to him instead or watch his own head roll down a hill, and Þórarinn knows a good option when he sees one.

BTW it's Easter. Kjartan and Bolli are Christians BUT ONLY KJARTAN FASTS. This is mentioned earlier in the saga that Kjartan's pretty much the only man on Iceland who fasts around Easter and everyone else is like dude how do you survive without sheep heads. Anyway remember that the man has not been eating for days.

Anyway Kjartan decides to take a trip to the countryside and some woman goes and tells Bolli and Guðrún about this.

48.

Án: "I saw a dream where this hag gutted me alive and stuffed me with twigs."

Auður: "This dream means that someone's going to kill Kjartan."

Kjartan: "...you sure you know anything about explaining dreams?"

Guðrún goes to tell Bolli that she'll divorce him if he doesn't go and kill Kjartan, and somehow Bolli thinks of this as a threat and not as a reward.

49.

Bolli and his men attack Kjartan. Kjartan spears one of them in the arm and the saga says that the poor man could not use his arm for the whole day. Icelanders have frightening recovery skills.

Meanwhile there's five men against Kjartan and Án, and Kjartan's sword keeps bending so he has to straighten it under his foot every now and then. Án gets disemboweled and dies. Kjartan's still holding the men at bay because he's like, seriously awesome at fighting. Meanwhile Bolli's pretty much sitting aside trimming his nails or something.

Óspakur: "FFFFFFFFFF BOLLI DO SOMETHING!"

Bolli: "Hum de dumm..."

Óspakur: "COME ON!"

Bolli: "I caaaan't heeeaarrr youuuu~ anyway I still love Kjartan so no."

Óspakur: "Look, think of it this way. Your Guðrún's not going to be pleased if Kjartan gets away now."

Bolli: "Oh yeah shit I forgot."

Kjartan: "I love you too so I'll just throw my weapons away. I haven't been eating for days so I'm in a seriously weakened state and now I'm tired after hacking five attackers to bits, I'm so awesome that if I as much as reflect sunlight off my sword to your direction it might kill you."

Anyway, then Bolli kills Kjartan (with the same cursed sword that we last saw in chapter 30) and there is much hugging and weeping and ruing between the two. But in a manly way of course. Are you fujoshi still taking notes?

Guðrún: "What, Kjartan's dead?!?!? How could y- I MEAN OF COURSE I'M HAPPY."

Án: "By the way I'm not dead."

Everyone else: "But you were disemboweled?"

Án: "The same dream hag came back and she stuffed my guts back in so I got all better."

50.

Ólafur's been going FFFFFFFFFF this whole time because that's what happens when your son and foster son are killing each other. Þorsteinn Kuggason decides to foster Kjartan's son Ásgeir - I suppose I forgot to tell you but he and Hrefna had a baby earlier on. Then Hrefna dies of heartbreak and that's the part of this saga where I always SHUT UP I'M A TOUGH GUY I'M NOT CRYING.

GUNNAR WOULDN'T CRY EITHER

OR BOLLI

EXCEPT THAT THEY DID BUT SHUT UP SHUT UP



Part 11.

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