Eyrbyggja saga, part 6.

26a

Vigfús: "Hay Svartur, pity that you're a slave right? You'd be totes awesome if you only weren't a SLAVE. Want to un-slave?"

Svartur: "YES!"

Vigfús: "Go kill Snorri the Priest."

Svartur: "On a second thought I love being a slave."



26b

Vigfús: "Aw come oooon. All you need to do is spear him when he goes to the crapper. You'll be in and out in a minute and also no longer a slave."

Svartur: "Well ok that does sound like a plan."

So Svartur hides above the alcove, making a small hole through the roof, but alas Snorri goes out so fast that he only manages to catch Már who's second to leave the house. He doesn't even properly wound him, the blade goes through some part of Már's shoulder but according to the saga that's just a flesh wound.

26c

Svartur: *tries to run away but slips and falls down instead*

Snorri: "Well well well what have we here."

Svartur: "Itwasn'tmeI'mjustaslave. It was Vigfús."

Snorri: *chops Vigfús*

Þorgerður: "Avenge my hubbsie pls."

Arnkell: "Nah go ask the Kjallekings instead."

27a

Þorgerður: "...and that's what Arnkell said. Now avenge my hubbsie pls."

Styr: "Errrr buuuuuut Snorri helped me out with that law issue, I promised him I wouldn't attack him... go ask Vermundur."

Þorgerður: "...avenge hubbsie pls."

Vermundur: "Errr there's this relative of Vigfús' called Steinþór, go ask him."

Þorgerður: "...venge hubbsie pls."

Steinþór: "The fuck you trying to get me in this mess I had nothing to do with, go ask someone who even knows the guy!"

27b

Þorgerður: "Look now Vermundur I'm getting sick of this."

Vermundur: "I know one thing you could do if you're not squeamish that is."

Þorgerður: "Just tell me, I'm all out of fucks to give."

Vermundur: "Go dig up your husband, cut his head off and take it to Arnkell and tell him the owner of said head would not have let him go unavenged."

Þorgerður: "I... well... ok, sure thing, I really AM all out of fucks to give."

27c

Þorgerður: "...and the Kjallekings told me to ask you instead."

Arnkell: "DAMMIT WOMAN I TOLD YOU NO ONCE ALREADY AND -"

Þorgerður: *brandishes Vigfús' head*

Þorgerður: "Guess who would not have told the widow to 'go ask someone else'?"

Arnkell shits himself well and thoroughly and promises to take on the task of avenging. I suppose a widow waving her dead husband's head around has a convincing effect on most people.

Anyway Arnkell sues Snorri and Snorri gets fined, everyone's happy.

28a

Ooh but remember those berserkers that Styr took in? That Halli-dude is now seriously eyeing Ásdís, Styr's daughter.

Halli: "Ásdís for my wife pls."

Styr: "Let me think about it."

Halli: "Sure, you got three nights."

Styr goes to have a chat with Snorri, mysteriously no one ever found out what they talked about.

Styr: "So about my daughter... you don't have any money though do you?"

Halli: "...well ... no."

28b

Styr: "How about I'll give you my daughter if you build a road over a lava field, put a wall at the border of my lands and a burgh at the end of the lava field?"

Halli: "Ok."

Halli goes on to do all this and meanwhile Styr lets build a really fancy sauna house with a stove opening on the outside so that the fire can be fed that way.

Styr: "You berserkers are prolly really sweaty and tired, why not have a bath."

Berserkers: "Yes pls."

BUT when they're in there Styr barricades them in and heats up the sauna really hot. Berserkers attempt to berserk, Styr chops one and one accidentally fries himself alive.

PLOT TWIST Ásdís is married to... SNORRI THE PRIEST.

29a

There's a Þóroddur who comes upon a shipwreck and sells the victims his boat. Þóroddur gets paid well + goes up one level in EXP. Þóroddur now lives with Snorri the Priest.

Þóroddur: "Your sister Þuríður just lost her husband right? I was thinking if you know I have no wife and -"

Snorri: "Sure thing you're rich enough."

The newly weds move to Fróð-river BUT there's this Björn Ásbrandsson who follows them there. Björn seems to really like this Þuríður, HMMM (fun fact he was the ex husband that Snorri forced Þuríður to divorce). Örn and Valur, sons of Þórir Wood Leg, are like dude you really gonna justw atch that and Þóroddur's like HELL NO.

Þuríður: "My hubbsie's totally after your head."

Björn: "Really. Lemme sing a song."

Björn: *sings a song*

29b

Þóroddur, two servants, Örn and Valur all ambush Björn. Something tells me they really want him dead.

They could have asked for a bit more help though - Björn chops Örn and Valur and goes home.

Ásbrandur: "I see you're bloody all over, son. Told you going after a married woman was a silly idea. Let's just bind you up and talk no more about it k."

Snorri: "OBJECTION. I am actually suing him."

Ásbrandur + Björn: "Shit."

Björn gets outlawed for three winters and goes to join the Jómsvikings.




Part 7.