Eyrbyggja saga, part 7.

30a

Remember that dude Þórólfur Lame who was not Beardylicious? He's back in the story!

SPOILER: He's an asshole.

There's a dude called Úlfar who's really good at being a farmer and especially good at predicting weather.

Þórólfur Lame: "What's your plans for the hay season then?"

Úlfar: "Keep working this week as usual, it'll be dry for now and then it'll get rainy."

Þórólfur: "Gotcha."



30b

Everything goes well except one day turns out misty.

Þórólfur: "That fuker Úlfar never knew ANYTHING about weather. All thralls on your feet, stop cutting hay and start carrying it in!"

Meanwhile Úlfar: "It's ok, it'll clear up alter today. Get some sleep in, we'll work as usual."

Þórólfur: "Looks like Úlfar's not interested in any of that hay of his that he mowed down. How about you thralls next carry his hay in my barn as well, waste not want not."

Úlfar: "EXCUSE YOU."

Þórólfur: "LOL too late for you it's mine now."

Þórólfur: *:D*

30c

Arnkell: "Look, dad, you were totally an asshole. Pay for the hay you stole pls."

Þórólfur: "MWAHAHAHA as if. That Úlfar's just a former thrall anyway what do I care."

Arnkell: *sigh* "Ok Úlfar let me pay for your hay instead."

Arnkell: "Also I seem to have forgotten which oxen were yours, dad, and which mine. Seems like I accidentally slaughtered seven of them and I'm keeping the meat for my household, but I'm sure you're ok w that cause you owe me for Úlfar's hay."

31a

Þórólfur: "Hay thralls, if you go burn Úlfar in his house I'll set you all free!"

Thralls: "AYE AYE"

Arnkell: "What's this arson attempt here. Shame I got here too quickly and put out the fire and hanged your thralls, dad."

31b

Þórólfur: "Snorri halp!"

Snorri: "Sure thing old fellow. Who's causing you grief?"

Þórólfur: "Arnkell is!"

Snorri: "...er... Arnkell your own son? That Arnkell?"

Þórólfur: "Yeah that one. DO SOMETHING."

Snorri: "Answer's 'lol no'."

31c

Þórólfur: "Well maybe you'll think again if I bribe you with some forest yes? I'm giving it to you if you avenge my thralls."

Snorri: "Well ok then (what a weirdo)".

31d

Snorri sues Arnkell in the next þing. Arnkell thinks he has the law on his side cause he caught the thralls in the act but Snorri's a lawyer and stated the thralls were killed at too far distance from the place, so it doesn't count anymore that they were actually trying to burn a man inside his own home.

Snorri wins (what did you expect).

Þórólfur: "What, I'm getting this little money for my thralls? ARNKELL MY SON WOULD HAVE HANDLED THIS THING MUCH BETTER THAN YOU YOU STINKY JERK, USELESS PIECE OF SH-"

Snorri: "Yeah ok taking on this case was probably not one of my best decisions."

32a

Ok, so Úlfar really is a former thrall, now a freed-man. His former owner Þorbrandur's sons don't take his friendship with Arnkell kindly because it threatens his possessions ending up with Arnkell's rather than them.

Úlfar's brother dies so he calls Arnkell and they take everything they want to have of his possessions.

Þorbrandur's sons: "HEY NO FAIR those things belong to us!"

Úlfar: "He was my BROTHER so suck it."

Big mistake. Þorbrandur's sons send Smarty-Gíls to ambush and kill Úlfar. Arnkell sees Smarty on his way back and is like

Arnkell: "Now where have I seen that shield before... HOLY SHIT NO"

32b

Arnkell's men catch Smarty and get the story out of him. Then Arnkell sends a thrall to Þorbrandur's sons' place to let them know Úlfar's dead and out of the way and all the riches are now lying around just waiting for the first man to come along and pick them up.

Þorbrandur's sons: "Uh... hi Arnkell, we're here to claim the -"

Arnkell: "Belongs to me now, shoo."

Þorbrandur's sons: "SNORRIIIIIIIII"

Snorri: "Nope, don't look at me. He was smarter than you, eat it."

Þorleifur Kimbi: "You - you - you're just scared of Arnkell that's all!!!!!"

33a

Snorri starts to cut down the forest Þórólfur Lame gave him as a bribe.

Þórólfur: "WHAT THE FUCK I did NOT give you the right to do that! I just RENTED the forest to you! GIVE IT BACK"

Snorri uses ignore. It's super effective. Þórólfur runs away.

33b

Þórólfur: "ARNKELL DO SOMETHING"

Arnkell: "..."

Arnkell: "..."

Arnkell: "...fuck off."

33c

Þórólfur doesn't get his way and takes it so badly that he dies and looks so mean in his death that no one dares to go near his corpse. Arnkell is fetched.

Arnkell: "Yup, sure case of asshole right there. No one look at him in the face."

Arnkell swiftly covers Þórólfur's head, let's break one wall open and has the corpse moved out through it. Þórólfur is buried far away from the house and with special care but -

dun dun duuun...

WILL IT BE ENOUGH?



Part 8.