Eyrbyggja saga, part 1.

1.

Let's just get on with the unavoidable. There's Ketill Flatnose. His kids are Björn, Helgi, Auður Deep-minded, Þórunn Horns (?why?) and Jórunn Smartasaman. Oh hey they sound kind of familiar don't they? Except that in Laxdæla Auður is called Unnur, idk sagas can never make up their mind on which one's her real name.

Haraldur Fairhair is currently a king. This means that around this time the shores of Iceland were practically teeming with furniture and occasional dead Norwegian, chucked overboard to float to land and show the place where their owners should build their houses.

Anyway Haraldur sends Ketill Flatnose to deal with some trouble over the sea, I assume Britain. While he's there sorting out said trouble (and marrying Auður to Ólafur White) , Haraldur has a paranoid fit and confiscates Ketill's lands and property. Wut.



2.

Björn: "This is our home farm, all king's servants can piss off now or just piss, choose. Quick."

Haraldur Fairhair: "OH. MY. GOD. HOW COULD YOU. AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE FOR YOU ETC. ETC. ETC."

Björn is now outlawed and does what anyone does who's got himself on Haraldur's bad side (easier than you'd think), puts a sea between them.

3.

Björn's staying at a guy whose name is Hrólfur but who's also called Þórólfur. Besides he's got an amazing beard so his third name is "Beardeous".

Haraldur Fairhair: "YOU WHAT. OMG I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID BEARD."

Haraldur Fairhair: "YEAH I CALLED IT STUPID HAH!"

4.

Þórólfur: "Goodbye Norway, sry but both Haraldur and my beard cannot fit in the same country."

Þórólfur: *chucks a chair overboard**come on pretend you're surprised*

He then goes on to build not only a house for himself but a huge temple for Þór. It's a really fancy place and people are forbidden to shed blood inside the temple area (other than the sacrifices blood that it, that one was apparently sprinkled around with a specific tool) and to wash before they come in. Pooping was also forbidden but Þórólfur just names a nearby place "Shitnes" and people take the hint.

5.

Björn: "Hi Auður, Helgi, Jórunn and Þórunn... what's that statue with a dude nailed on doing here?"

Björn: "Or you know nevermind. I changed my mind I'm moving elsewhere (you infidels).



Part 2.