12/5/13

Eyrbyggja saga, part 4.

16a.

There's now a full-blown competition going on over Gunnlaugur between Geirríður and Katla.

Geirríður: "How about you stay the night instead of going home. There's bad things that happen to people out there wink wink."

Gunnlaugur: "Er, naaah I'll just go home."

Geirríður: "Don't be a moron."

Gunnlaugur: "...errrrr yaaah I'm def going home!"

Katla: "Well stay at my place then yes?"

Gunnlaugur: "I'M GOING HOME"



16b.

O shit Gunnlaugur doesn't arrive home. Except he almost does, he's found unconscious at the door, bruised all over and takes the whole winter to heal.

Oddur (Katla's son): "Geirríður prolly rode him by force (make of this what you will). I heard them argue before he left her place."

Þorbjörn: "I'll sue that hag."

Suing happens. Except neither side can use their witnesses because they're all related to the people in the matter, then Geirríður's brother Arnkell swears by oath that Geirríður didn't do it and Þorbjörn loses his case. Apparently this is still possible even though you're related?

17.

In the same þing Þorgrímur Kjallaksson backs up a case of an Illugi's. It goes badly because most of his family couldn't make it because of the bad weather and he's short of men. Except then the weather gets suddenly better and all the Kjallekingars are suddenly there.

Þorgrímur decides this is the perfect reason to start fucking shit up and there's a fight. As you know most court cases go, at some point the spears come up.

Snorri gets involved, Illugi's day is saved, Illugi and Snorri now friends everlasting or at least for a winter, same thing.

18a.

Next summer Þorgrímur Kjallaksson dies, possibly of natural causes other than iron poisoning. Vermundur now owns the place, marries and has  - yes, babies. His sons are Þorsteinn and Hallur and his daughter's Ásdís and she's manly.

A ship comes by and there's a Scotsman on it called Nail.

Þórarinn and Þorbjörn have horses on the same meadow, except Þorbjörn's horses suddenly go missing. Problem is, was it Þórarinn or the Scotsman who stole them?

Gils the Seer: "I'm not saying it was Þórarinn but it was Þórarinn."

I understand this telling, after all who wants to go accuse a Scotsman of horse thievery if they have a choice?

18b.

Katla: "Ok Oddur before you go with Þorbjörn wear this shirt. Important plot point maybe readers should take notice."

Þorbjörn: "Hi Þórarinn we came to ransack your house cause we're looking for the horses you stole."

Þórarinn: "My house? No way. You got a search warrant somewhere?"

Þorbjörn: "I didn't say your opinion mattered."

Þórarinn: "Get that search warrant or you're not coming in!"

Þorbjörn: "HAH YOU JUST PROVED ME RIGHT"

Þorbjörn: "AN INNOCENT MAN WOULD HAVE LET ME RANSACK HIS HOUSE"

Þórarinn: "Say what now?"

Þorbjörn: "HORSE THIIIEEEEEFFFFFFFF"

18c.

Geirríður: "Son, are you a son or a daughter? AT THEM BOY"

Þórarinn: "AYE MOM"

Auður: "Look now dear husband and mother-in-law, I don't think -"

Auður: "Instead of fighting you could -"

Auður: "Is anyone even listening to me?"

18d.

Auður: "You know what, FINE."

Auður: *gets the women of the house out and they all throw clothes over the men's weapons*

This is super effective. If you don't believe me just try wielding a sword around with someone's sheet or longjohns hanging off of it.

18e.

Þorbjörn and friends leave, curiously Oddur hasn't suffered a single scratch.

Þórarinn: "What's a severed woman's hand doing here lyingon the ground."

Þórarinn: "And why's it look like my wife's hand."

Auður: "Stop fussing about it it's just a flesh wound."

18f.

Oddur: "...and did you see how that moron cut his own wife's hand off cause he couldn't see properly with all that fabric flying around and -"

Everyone: ROTLF

Oh but Þórarinn's not taking it too well. Instead he goes after Þorbjörn. Nail the Scotsman is on his side which would be awesome but then for some reason the moment he sees weapons he shits himself and runs for the hills?

Þórarinn chops Þorbjörns head in two and the fight goes super badly for Þorbjörn's side except for Oddur who still doesn't get a scratch no matter how much you chop him. Logically the invincible Oddur then turns tail and flees.

Þórarinn and men then go after Nail cause he's still running on the hills in panic, but sadly Nail mistakes them to be Þorbjörn's men instead and runs even faster. By the time they catch up with him he's successfully panicked two slaves so that they too start running and go over a cliff. Imagine the Benny Hill Show ending tune behind that scene if you will.

Oddur runs home and leaves everything for his wife Þuríður to take care of. Seriously, that guy.

19.

Auður: "Ok so wat do now. That Snorri's going to take this business up with you no doubt."

Geirríður: "Good time to begin friending people, and fast! I suggest start with Vermundur and my bro Arnkell."

Þórarinn goes to meet Vermundur and there is much singing.

Vermundur: "Ok then but let's first go ask Arnkell what he thinks of this."

They go to Arnkell and there is even more singing.

In the end everyone decides to go home and sit there quietly at least until something happens.

20a.

Geirríður: "By the way I hope you know it but it was actually Oddur who cut Auður's hand off."

Þórarinn: "OH."

Vermundur: "OH."

Arnkell: "OH."

20b.

Arnkell: "Hi Katla we came to ransack your house. There's this lad Oddur here who we have business with."

Katla: "Be my guest. Want a light to go with you? Let me ask my servants to unlock the only locked room here to make it easier for you lol. Meanwhile I'm just going to sit here spinning wool."

Oddur is not found, the men leave.

Arnkell: "WAIIIT. Katla magicked us and Oddur was actually the spinning wheel!"

No one questions this statement so back they go. The spining wheel turns out to be just a normal spinning wheel and there's nothing interesting going on except that Katla's now shearing a goat. They leave again.

Arnkell: "WAIIIT. Now he was that goat!"

Everyone's still all OH THAT'S IT. They go back and find nothing again except Katla spinning wool. Arnkell smashes her spinning wheel, at which Katla chases them out because WTF MAN MY SPINNING WHEEL U FUKER.

20c.

Geirríður: "Le sigh. Ok let's go back once more and this time I'm coming with you."

Katla: "Aw fuk that troll's with them now."

Katla: "Can't use magic now, hide in this empty chair Oddur."

Geirríður: "I ain't got no time for bullshit."

Geirríður: *ties Katla in a bag*

Geirríður: "Check that chair it looks like it could have an Oddur inside."

Geirríður: "And this, my lads, is how it's done. Take notes."

20d.

Oddur is hanged.

Katla: "CURSE YOU ALL. Also btw it was actually me who rode your little friend Gunnlaugur, mwaha ha ha HA!"

Katla gets stoned immediately, in a very literal sense of the word.



Part 5.

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