9
So now it's spring again and Þórhallur the hunter is like sod you and goes to the north. Þorfinnur Karlsefni's like "but south coast looks better" and goes there instead.
Þorfinnur Karlsefni: "Anyway this way we can properly figure out wtf this place is like right?"
Þórhallur: "~Mi-mi-mi-miiiiii~"
Þorfinnur Karlsefni: "Right?"
Þórhallur: "~*LALALALAAA*~"
Þórhallur: "~*IIIIII JUUUUST WANTED TO GET DRRRUUUNNNKKKKK*~"
Þórhallur: "Anyway fuk u all I'm on my way."
Except then a wind blows him mildly off course and he ends up in Ireland where the locals capture him and he dies in slavery. Ooops.
10/24/14
Eiríks saga rauða, part 4.
8a
Lots of talks go on at Brattahlíð about Greenland. It's an awesome place with wonderful land for any farmer to grab at!
...right.
Anyway, Snorri, Þorfinnur Karlsefni, Bjarni and Þórhallur are totally wooed by this and not naïve and gullible at all.
Lots of talks go on at Brattahlíð about Greenland. It's an awesome place with wonderful land for any farmer to grab at!
...right.
Anyway, Snorri, Þorfinnur Karlsefni, Bjarni and Þórhallur are totally wooed by this and not naïve and gullible at all.
6/13/14
Eiríks saga rauða, part 3.
6a
Þorsteinn marries Guðríður and moves in with another Þorsteinn. At first all's well but then people start dropping dead because of a fever, first one to die is a Garður but no one likes that asshole. Remember his name though he might have done something. Guðríður's Þorsteinn and the other Þorsteinn's wife Sigríður are among the ill.
Guðríður and Sigríður go outside of the house.
Sigríður: "Oh." (exact quote from the saga)
Guðríður: "Yeah we should prolly go back inside -"
Sigríður: "Er, bad idea. The doorway's full of dead people and I'm actually there with them... so's your hubbsie by the way."
Þorsteinn marries Guðríður and moves in with another Þorsteinn. At first all's well but then people start dropping dead because of a fever, first one to die is a Garður but no one likes that asshole. Remember his name though he might have done something. Guðríður's Þorsteinn and the other Þorsteinn's wife Sigríður are among the ill.
Guðríður and Sigríður go outside of the house.
Sigríður: "Oh." (exact quote from the saga)
Guðríður: "Yeah we should prolly go back inside -"
Sigríður: "Er, bad idea. The doorway's full of dead people and I'm actually there with them... so's your hubbsie by the way."
5/21/14
Eiríks saga rauða, part 2.
4a
Times are not much easier in Greenland: what you know there's very little to eat there.
Now we've got a völva - an Icelandic prophetess names Þorbjörg. Þorkell's worried about the lack of food so he calls her over so she can tell him straight away something on the lines of should he stay or should he go.
Þorbjörg arrives and is swagsome. Everybody swoon.
Þorbjörg is given a high seat and lots of hearts to eat. I'm not even shitting you. Also milk.
Times are not much easier in Greenland: what you know there's very little to eat there.
Now we've got a völva - an Icelandic prophetess names Þorbjörg. Þorkell's worried about the lack of food so he calls her over so she can tell him straight away something on the lines of should he stay or should he go.
Þorbjörg arrives and is swagsome. Everybody swoon.
Þorbjörg is given a high seat and lots of hearts to eat. I'm not even shitting you. Also milk.
4/12/14
Eiríks saga rauða: part 1.
1.
Ólafur the White is a king and he has a father who had a father who had a father who had a father who had a father. I counted.
Ólafur beats up the Dubliners and marries Auður Deep-minded. Whoa that lady pops up in every single saga, but then again she was important enough that once when she dropped a comb she had a whole nes named after it.
Anyway they make a baby Þorsteinn the Red and then Ólafur dies because the Irish don't let you beat them up indefinitely. Auður and Þorsteinn run for it, on the way Þorsteinn marries a Þuríður and they make a gazillion babies.
Then Þorsteinn takes over Scotland and when he's done with that the Scots hack him to pieces and absolutely no one is surprised. Auður makes a successful escape again and ends up in Iceland, you know the story.
There's a guy called Vífill that's a slave of Auður's but she sets him free and gives him lands. Remember this dude's sons Þorgeir and Þornjörn!
Ólafur the White is a king and he has a father who had a father who had a father who had a father who had a father. I counted.
Ólafur beats up the Dubliners and marries Auður Deep-minded. Whoa that lady pops up in every single saga, but then again she was important enough that once when she dropped a comb she had a whole nes named after it.
Anyway they make a baby Þorsteinn the Red and then Ólafur dies because the Irish don't let you beat them up indefinitely. Auður and Þorsteinn run for it, on the way Þorsteinn marries a Þuríður and they make a gazillion babies.
Then Þorsteinn takes over Scotland and when he's done with that the Scots hack him to pieces and absolutely no one is surprised. Auður makes a successful escape again and ends up in Iceland, you know the story.
There's a guy called Vífill that's a slave of Auður's but she sets him free and gives him lands. Remember this dude's sons Þorgeir and Þornjörn!
3/17/14
What's up next:
well, more sagas obviously! I just have trouble picking one, as always. You might be getting the Jomsvikings this time, or the two sagas that together make Vinland sagas. I'm a huge fan of the manga by the way, just in case you didn't notice! :3
As always, leave a comment if you've requests for what saga I'll re-write next and I'll get right to it!
As always, leave a comment if you've requests for what saga I'll re-write next and I'll get right to it!
3/16/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 13. FINAL PART.
61a
Álfur runs to Snorri, who gets the rest of the bad news soon after. Snorri does
- absolutely nothing.
People: "Damn, that Snorri's such a coward."
Snorri: *still does nothing*
Álfur runs to Snorri, who gets the rest of the bad news soon after. Snorri does
- absolutely nothing.
People: "Damn, that Snorri's such a coward."
Snorri: *still does nothing*
Eyrbyggja saga, part 12
56
Snorri switches lands with a certain Guðrún. Check Laxdæla for details.
Then he goes to sue a Gestur for the killing of Styr. A Þorsteinn totally beats his case in the court tho, so Snorri chops him afterwards.
A new Þorsteinn springs into the story immediately, but this one's a different dude and not a zombie. Snorri's still mad over the Styr-thing and everyone on his side is mean to Þorsteinn just because he's on the opposing side. A fight ensues, Þorsteinn wants to chop Snorri but Kjartan (Þuríður and Björn's son) runs in between and begins to chop him right back. People eventually decide to break up the fight.
Snorri: "Nice work for a Breiðvik guy."
Kjartan: "That was sorta uncalled for."
Snorri then pays his fines over the fight really fast because he himself is currently being sued for the killing of the earlier Þorsteinn and his son. Those dudes who helped him with the task flee the country.
Snorri switches lands with a certain Guðrún. Check Laxdæla for details.
Then he goes to sue a Gestur for the killing of Styr. A Þorsteinn totally beats his case in the court tho, so Snorri chops him afterwards.
A new Þorsteinn springs into the story immediately, but this one's a different dude and not a zombie. Snorri's still mad over the Styr-thing and everyone on his side is mean to Þorsteinn just because he's on the opposing side. A fight ensues, Þorsteinn wants to chop Snorri but Kjartan (Þuríður and Björn's son) runs in between and begins to chop him right back. People eventually decide to break up the fight.
Snorri: "Nice work for a Breiðvik guy."
Kjartan: "That was sorta uncalled for."
Snorri then pays his fines over the fight really fast because he himself is currently being sued for the killing of the earlier Þorsteinn and his son. Those dudes who helped him with the task flee the country.
2/24/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 11.
50a
While Christianity is happening, a ship arrives and on it an old yet strong and fierce lady called Þórgunna, who's rumoured to be rich.
Þuríður: "Oh wow sell me some of your fancy stuff!"
Þórgunna: "No."
Þuríður: "Come live at our place."
Þórgunna: "Sure but I'm not gonna pay you for it. I'll work but I'll choose myself what kind of work."
Þuríður: "Yeah yeah no problem, remember to bring all your awesome stuff ok?"
While Christianity is happening, a ship arrives and on it an old yet strong and fierce lady called Þórgunna, who's rumoured to be rich.
Þuríður: "Oh wow sell me some of your fancy stuff!"
Þórgunna: "No."
Þuríður: "Come live at our place."
Þórgunna: "Sure but I'm not gonna pay you for it. I'll work but I'll choose myself what kind of work."
Þuríður: "Yeah yeah no problem, remember to bring all your awesome stuff ok?"
2/5/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 10.
45a
Steinþór has bought a ship but it gets stuck due to Icelandic weather (trolol). He has to go back to fetch it at a later moment and gets 8 friends and brothers to go with him. It's Bobmas by the way.
But wait! A group of Þorbrandur's sons is spotted a little way away! Hey, didn't these guys just have a fight with each other, could be that this'll not end well.
*much fighting. very aggression. wow. such blood*
All Þorbrandur's sons get a chop or two. It's suggested that as they're all down they should get a small decapita as an extra, but Steinþór says no.
Snorri: "So... are you guys ok?"
Þorleifur Kimbi: "THE FUK IT LOOK LIKE. GO AFTER THEM ALREADY."
Snorri: "Hm, let me first eat this bloodied snow here... yup tastes like at least one of their's is a goner. No need to go running after them."
Steinþór has bought a ship but it gets stuck due to Icelandic weather (trolol). He has to go back to fetch it at a later moment and gets 8 friends and brothers to go with him. It's Bobmas by the way.
But wait! A group of Þorbrandur's sons is spotted a little way away! Hey, didn't these guys just have a fight with each other, could be that this'll not end well.
*much fighting. very aggression. wow. such blood*
All Þorbrandur's sons get a chop or two. It's suggested that as they're all down they should get a small decapita as an extra, but Steinþór says no.
Snorri: "So... are you guys ok?"
Þorleifur Kimbi: "THE FUK IT LOOK LIKE. GO AFTER THEM ALREADY."
Snorri: "Hm, let me first eat this bloodied snow here... yup tastes like at least one of their's is a goner. No need to go running after them."
1/18/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 9.
40a
Ok outlawing is over after a few years and Þorleifur Kimbi goes back to Iceland. Arnbjörn and his brother Björn also show up. Arnbjörn is awesome but Björn is awesomer, everyone agrees.
There's a meeting and Björn goes there. Þuríður is there too and the two spend a long while with each other. Some remark is made on how they haven't met each other for a long time.
Some random dude gets killed, and Þuríður's son Kjartan goes and dips his little axe in the stream of blood gushing out of the dead dude. Not creepy.
Þórður: "So... did you see that Þuríður and that Kjartan?"
Björn: "Yes."
Þórður: "Looks a whole lot like you doesn't he?"
WAIT. Þuríður and Björn... check chapter 29, that's the same guy who was wooing a married woman (iow Þuríður), got attacked, outlawed, and had to leave Iceland. Yup.
Ok outlawing is over after a few years and Þorleifur Kimbi goes back to Iceland. Arnbjörn and his brother Björn also show up. Arnbjörn is awesome but Björn is awesomer, everyone agrees.
There's a meeting and Björn goes there. Þuríður is there too and the two spend a long while with each other. Some remark is made on how they haven't met each other for a long time.
Some random dude gets killed, and Þuríður's son Kjartan goes and dips his little axe in the stream of blood gushing out of the dead dude. Not creepy.
Þórður: "So... did you see that Þuríður and that Kjartan?"
Björn: "Yes."
Þórður: "Looks a whole lot like you doesn't he?"
WAIT. Þuríður and Björn... check chapter 29, that's the same guy who was wooing a married woman (iow Þuríður), got attacked, outlawed, and had to leave Iceland. Yup.
1/12/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 8.
34
You guessed it. Þórólfur really is asshole enough to turn into a zombie. At first's he's pretty evenly killing everything alive that happens on his path but when winter comes he begins to have parties on his former home's roof and haunts his widow in particular until she dies, most likely of a heart attack.
If that's not bad enough, the zombieing begins to spread. Whoever Þórólfur kills is soon seen walking around with him.
People: "Arnkell halp!"
Arnkell: "Ok since winter's now over, let's go take care of the old zombie. Sons of Þorbrandur come help me out pls."
Þorbrandur's sons: "Are you insane 'cause we're not. Have fun."
Þorbrandur: "STFU sons, you go help him out and it's an order."
Sons: "But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..."
Arnkell's plan is to dump the zombie elsewhere, but Þórólfur has other plans and at one point the oxen cannot pull his coffin any further. Arnkell's like sure have it your way, buries Þórólfur there and builds a huge wall around his grave because walk all you want old boy but now you'll do it in circles.
You guessed it. Þórólfur really is asshole enough to turn into a zombie. At first's he's pretty evenly killing everything alive that happens on his path but when winter comes he begins to have parties on his former home's roof and haunts his widow in particular until she dies, most likely of a heart attack.
If that's not bad enough, the zombieing begins to spread. Whoever Þórólfur kills is soon seen walking around with him.
People: "Arnkell halp!"
Arnkell: "Ok since winter's now over, let's go take care of the old zombie. Sons of Þorbrandur come help me out pls."
Þorbrandur's sons: "Are you insane 'cause we're not. Have fun."
Þorbrandur: "STFU sons, you go help him out and it's an order."
Sons: "But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..."
Arnkell's plan is to dump the zombie elsewhere, but Þórólfur has other plans and at one point the oxen cannot pull his coffin any further. Arnkell's like sure have it your way, buries Þórólfur there and builds a huge wall around his grave because walk all you want old boy but now you'll do it in circles.
1/10/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 7.
30a
Remember that dude Þórólfur Lame who was not Beardylicious? He's back in the story!
SPOILER: He's an asshole.
There's a dude called Úlfar who's really good at being a farmer and especially good at predicting weather.
Þórólfur Lame: "What's your plans for the hay season then?"
Úlfar: "Keep working this week as usual, it'll be dry for now and then it'll get rainy."
Þórólfur: "Gotcha."
Remember that dude Þórólfur Lame who was not Beardylicious? He's back in the story!
SPOILER: He's an asshole.
There's a dude called Úlfar who's really good at being a farmer and especially good at predicting weather.
Þórólfur Lame: "What's your plans for the hay season then?"
Úlfar: "Keep working this week as usual, it'll be dry for now and then it'll get rainy."
Þórólfur: "Gotcha."
1/7/14
Eyrbyggja saga, part 6.
26a
Vigfús: "Hay Svartur, pity that you're a slave right? You'd be totes awesome if you only weren't a SLAVE. Want to un-slave?"
Svartur: "YES!"
Vigfús: "Go kill Snorri the Priest."
Svartur: "On a second thought I love being a slave."
Vigfús: "Hay Svartur, pity that you're a slave right? You'd be totes awesome if you only weren't a SLAVE. Want to un-slave?"
Svartur: "YES!"
Vigfús: "Go kill Snorri the Priest."
Svartur: "On a second thought I love being a slave."
12/16/13
Eyrbyggja saga, part 5
21
Arnkell: "Ok there's two ways this thing can go: either we're going to court, in which case you'll better be prepared to pay a lot for the recent killings, or you leave the country."
Álfgeir: "I'm leaving."
Þórarinn: "Me too."
Vermundur: "Let us never be parted, bro!"
Arnkell: "Ok there's two ways this thing can go: either we're going to court, in which case you'll better be prepared to pay a lot for the recent killings, or you leave the country."
Álfgeir: "I'm leaving."
Þórarinn: "Me too."
Vermundur: "Let us never be parted, bro!"
12/5/13
Eyrbyggja saga, part 4.
16a.
There's now a full-blown competition going on over Gunnlaugur between Geirríður and Katla.
Geirríður: "How about you stay the night instead of going home. There's bad things that happen to people out there wink wink."
Gunnlaugur: "Er, naaah I'll just go home."
Geirríður: "Don't be a moron."
Gunnlaugur: "...errrrr yaaah I'm def going home!"
Katla: "Well stay at my place then yes?"
Gunnlaugur: "I'M GOING HOME"
There's now a full-blown competition going on over Gunnlaugur between Geirríður and Katla.
Geirríður: "How about you stay the night instead of going home. There's bad things that happen to people out there wink wink."
Gunnlaugur: "Er, naaah I'll just go home."
Geirríður: "Don't be a moron."
Gunnlaugur: "...errrrr yaaah I'm def going home!"
Katla: "Well stay at my place then yes?"
Gunnlaugur: "I'M GOING HOME"
12/4/13
Eyrbyggja saga, part 3.
11.
Þorsteinn becomes awesomely rich and has babies: Bork the thick and a Grímur who's to become a really mighty Þór-follower, so his name is upgraded to Þórgrímur.
Then Þorsteinn goes fishing. Big mistake.
Random shepherd: "...and then the mountain opened and there was a lot of noise and partying, and someone was welcoming Þorsteinn and his crew."
Þóra (Þorsteinn's wife): "Shit."
Well, nothing to it, since Þorsteinn's dead, Þóra re-marries a Hallvarður and makes baby Már.
Þorsteinn becomes awesomely rich and has babies: Bork the thick and a Grímur who's to become a really mighty Þór-follower, so his name is upgraded to Þórgrímur.
Then Þorsteinn goes fishing. Big mistake.
Random shepherd: "...and then the mountain opened and there was a lot of noise and partying, and someone was welcoming Þorsteinn and his crew."
Þóra (Þorsteinn's wife): "Shit."
Well, nothing to it, since Þorsteinn's dead, Þóra re-marries a Hallvarður and makes baby Már.
11/24/13
Eyrbyggja saga, part 2.
6.
Björn decides to go to Iceland because of his disappointment over the now-Christian family. There's a Hallsteinn with him who's actually the son of Þórólfur, but he's like "dad plz" and moves away to settle land on his own.
Meanwhile Auður's in trouble over in Scotland. She manages an unbelievable amount of ship-building, avoiding raging Scots, sailing out with all her goods intact and marrying her daughters off here and there. Then she arrives to Iceland and starts naming places based on where she had a great day or lost her comb, no lie check Laxdæla.
Björn decides to go to Iceland because of his disappointment over the now-Christian family. There's a Hallsteinn with him who's actually the son of Þórólfur, but he's like "dad plz" and moves away to settle land on his own.
Meanwhile Auður's in trouble over in Scotland. She manages an unbelievable amount of ship-building, avoiding raging Scots, sailing out with all her goods intact and marrying her daughters off here and there. Then she arrives to Iceland and starts naming places based on where she had a great day or lost her comb, no lie check Laxdæla.
11/23/13
Eyrbyggja saga, part 1.
1.
Let's just get on with the unavoidable. There's Ketill Flatnose. His kids are Björn, Helgi, Auður Deep-minded, Þórunn Horns (?why?) and Jórunn Smartasaman. Oh hey they sound kind of familiar don't they? Except that in Laxdæla Auður is called Unnur, idk sagas can never make up their mind on which one's her real name.
Haraldur Fairhair is currently a king. This means that around this time the shores of Iceland were practically teeming with furniture and occasional dead Norwegian, chucked overboard to float to land and show the place where their owners should build their houses.
Anyway Haraldur sends Ketill Flatnose to deal with some trouble over the sea, I assume Britain. While he's there sorting out said trouble (and marrying Auður to Ólafur White) , Haraldur has a paranoid fit and confiscates Ketill's lands and property. Wut.
Let's just get on with the unavoidable. There's Ketill Flatnose. His kids are Björn, Helgi, Auður Deep-minded, Þórunn Horns (?why?) and Jórunn Smartasaman. Oh hey they sound kind of familiar don't they? Except that in Laxdæla Auður is called Unnur, idk sagas can never make up their mind on which one's her real name.
Haraldur Fairhair is currently a king. This means that around this time the shores of Iceland were practically teeming with furniture and occasional dead Norwegian, chucked overboard to float to land and show the place where their owners should build their houses.
Anyway Haraldur sends Ketill Flatnose to deal with some trouble over the sea, I assume Britain. While he's there sorting out said trouble (and marrying Auður to Ólafur White) , Haraldur has a paranoid fit and confiscates Ketill's lands and property. Wut.
11/11/13
Kormáks saga done.
Once more a saga has been successfully retold! Now's the time to figure out what saga to retell next. Will it be:
* Jómsvíkinga saga: a saga of a fierce brotherly brotherhood of bro-vikings!
* Bárðar saga Snæfellsáss: trolls! Trolls everywhere!
or
* Eyrbyggja saga: farmers are fighting! Er, and more fighting! Those rowdy farmers!
Here's your chance if one of these sounds like the saga you've always wanted to hear, drop a note and let me know, else I'll do as always and flip a coin. I may have a three-sided coin just so you know.
* Jómsvíkinga saga: a saga of a fierce brotherly brotherhood of bro-vikings!
* Bárðar saga Snæfellsáss: trolls! Trolls everywhere!
or
* Eyrbyggja saga: farmers are fighting! Er, and more fighting! Those rowdy farmers!
Here's your chance if one of these sounds like the saga you've always wanted to hear, drop a note and let me know, else I'll do as always and flip a coin. I may have a three-sided coin just so you know.
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