Eyrbyggja saga, part 11.

50a

While Christianity is happening, a ship arrives and on it an old yet strong and fierce lady called Þórgunna, who's rumoured to be rich.

Þuríður: "Oh wow sell me some of your fancy stuff!"

Þórgunna: "No."

Þuríður: "Come live at our place."

Þórgunna: "Sure but I'm not gonna pay you for it. I'll work but I'll choose myself what kind of work."

Þuríður: "Yeah yeah no problem, remember to bring all your awesome stuff ok?"



50b

Þuríður: "HOLY SHAT WOMAN those sheets are AWESOME. Sell me them?"

Þórgunna: "What, and sleep on straw myself? Fuck you."

Þuríður: "...well be that way. See if I care. Mumble mumble..."

There's a Þórir and his wife Þorgríma Witchface (gotta love these nicknames) who move in too, and Þórgunna immadiately dislikes Þorgríma. However, Þuríður (and Björn's, lul) son Kjartan is a total eyecandy and Þórgunna likes him a lot a lot a lot. The 14 years old Kjartan, alas, does not fancy a 60+ lady for some unimaginable reason.

51a

It's haymaking time. Þórgunna rakes it up a great amount.

But what, a cloud! Everyone's told to gather up all the hay and carry it inside before it gets rained upon! Everyone does so, except...

Þórgunna: "Toldya buggers I work the way I want to." *keeps raking the hay into ridges*

Cloud: "YEAAAAAHHHH RAAAIIIINNNNN"

Rain goes away quickly but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUK it just rained blood! The blood quickly evaporates, except from all the hay that Þórgunna raked. That just stays bloody.

Þuríður: "What just happened."

Þórgunna: "IDK it's almost as if a WITCH caused it"

51b

Þórgunna goes home, lies down and gets massively ill.

Þórgunna: "Hay Þóroddur, this is probably it for me. Here's what I want done after I'm dead, ok? I wanna be buried in Skálaholt and this golden ring should go with me. You can keep everything I own, give Þuríður my scarlet cloak cause she loves it, and yeah anything else that she wants. Except the bedding, sheets etc. those have to be burned. Not cause I'm an asshole, seriously, I know I'm an asshole, but this time I actually mean it for your own good."

Þórgunna: *argl*

Þuríður: "Naaaaah she was just being her asshole self, we all know that. Don't burn the sheets, they're way too pretty for that."

The sheets are not burned. This may prove to be a bad choice.

51c

The final journey of Þórgunna is a bit of a difficult one. The roads are bad and eventually the night comes and the group asks a local farmer to put them up for the night. The farmer's all "shit, I hate to but ok, you can sleep here - no food to be expected though, I got none".

Except Þórgunna gets right up, sets the table and carries all kinds of food on it. The farmer immediately agrees to anything and everything the travelers wish because a naked zombie woman is a good card in negotiations.

The next day Þórgunna's buried and all's well.

OR IS IT

52

The men return home. The first night there a half moon plops itself next to the house and floats around it for a good while.

Yes that's what happened.

No, I don't know what's going on, Icelanders are mysterious. Anyway the half moon does this for about a week and people come to the conclusion that it means lots of people are going to die.

53a

A shepherd begins to act strangely and then he dies. He's buried, but the next night when Þórir goes to have a wee, he's waiting for him at the door. Þórir wants to get some shut-eye so a wrestling match ensues.

Well, it's a bad idea to wrestle a zombie. Þórir dies - and joins the shepherd as a zombie right away.

Six men die next, one after another. Maybe a moon floating around your house really is a bad omen.

53b

Þóroddur has a huge pile of stock fish stored for the winter in a pantry. One night the people of the house begin hearing something tear at the fish, but when they look at the pantry there's nothing there (cept for the fish of course).

Þóroddur leaves house AND THEN -

GHOST SEAL

RISING FROM THE FLOOR

OF THE PANTRY

*malicious önk önking happening*

A servant woman immediately clobbers it with a heavy thing, but the ghost seal pops right back up and glares evilly at Þórgunna's sheets.

53c

A servant dude goes to help the woman to club the seal, but the bugger just keep rising from the floor until it's up to its flippers. This proves too much for the servant man, who promptly faints.

Kjartan arrives!

Kjartan starts hitting the seal on the head!

Seal: "Önk!"

Finally the seal is sinking!

Seal: "Önk önk önk!"

Kjartan slams it until it disappears through the floor!

Great going Kjartan, although everybody is now deadly afraid of him instead but at least the seal ghost is gone.

54a

Þóroddur and his men's ship turns over. No corpses are found - well, not straight away. They walk home on their own a little bit later on because whatever's causing the dead to rise seems very, very catchy. Or maybe it was the ghost seal's doings again, önk.

Since Christianity had not thoroughly happened yet people just thought it a good thing that corpses arrived to their own burial drinking party, so they're welcomed in with good cheer and drinking happens.

Þóroddur and his band of zombies sit by the fires and no one else dares quite go there. This keeps happening night after night until the party's over, and then we really get the zombie thing started.

Now it's no longer only Þóroddur and his men sitting dripping wet by the fire. They're joined by Þórir and his six zombie friends who throw mud on everybody.

Wtf Þórir rude.

54b

This keeps happening every evening so that the house people have to make another fire for themselves to sit at while zombies are hogging the main room.

The ghost seal attacks the fish again. This time people try to pull it out by its tail but to no avail, and fish is p. much all eaten.

Þorgríma Witchface gets ill and dies, to no one's surprise she zombies right up and joins her hubbsie in haunting and mud-slinging.

Lots of people get sick and die.

55

Kjartan: "Uncle Snorri halp. Now mum's ill too."

Snorri: "K. First of all, why haven't you morons burned Þórgunna's sheets yet? Go at it, hop hop!"

Snorri arrives with a priest in tow, Kjartan burns the bedding in the sight of the zombies. Then they begin to sue the zombies (I'm not making this up).

Like mentioned a couple of times before, Snorri's quite the lawyer. The zombies seem to know this too and flee, one by one, as their cases are brought forward.

So here you have the most efficient weapon in case of a zombie outbreak; not a gun, not a chainsaw, just send a lawyer at them and watch the dead boys run.



Part 12.