Grettis saga, part 10.

46

Þórir: "WTF Grettir burned my sons!??"

Skafti: "Uh, we have no witnesses of that and there's at least two versions of the story and -"

Þórir: "Do I look like I care."

Þórir: "OUTLAW THE FUCKER"

Grettis saga, part 9.

41

Grettir's at his brother Þorsteinn's place.

Þorsteinn: "Sweet Bob dude you got some thick arms!"

Grettir: "Lol yours are like a girl's."

Þorsteinn: "Are you saying that you want your death to be avenged one day by a girl huh."

Grettis saga, part 8.

36

Þorbjörn: "...and then I told Grettir to stop fighting them because that guy would have killed the lot single-handedly otherwise."

Þorbjörn Tardy (I'm not kidding his name's Tardy): "Lol no he totally legged it as fast as he could when you gave him the chance."

Grettis saga, part 7.

31

Barði: "Grettir's going to be my friend now."

Þórarinn: "FFFFFF NO."

Barði: "But foster-daaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaad..."

Þórarinn: "I said."

Grettir: "You little bitch you promised I could come with you!"

Barði: "Þórarinn said no..."

Grettir: "Hm, fair enough. Ok I understand. BUT FIGHT ME MOTHERF-"

Barði: "No."

Grettis saga, part 6.

26

The guys who killed that Þorgils guy are Þorgeir and Þormóður.

Þorsteinn: "Let's kill those assholes Þorvaldur."

Þorvaldur: "Aye."

Good luck keeping tabs on which Þor-something does what by the way.

Grettis saga, part 5.

21

Grettir goes to Þorkell's. There's a dude called Björn who's a bit of an asshole and you know what happens when you put two assholes in the same building don't you.

Suddenly! A ferocious bear!

Björn: "I'll kill it but first I'll sleep here right in front of its lair."

Bear: "RAAAAAR"

Björn: "Shit."

Þorkell: "OK you moron thought you could do it alone? Next time we'll go there in a large group and Grettir comes too.

Björn: "Oh well well well seems like Grettir left his fur coat lying here, now whaaaaat would happen if it somehow flew into the bear's nest?"

Björn: "Whoops." :D

Grettir: "Really."

Þorkell: "Let's just go home guys."

Grettir: "I'll be right after. Needs to tie my shoelace, like."

Grettir: "F U BEAR GIMME MY COAT"

Bear: "RAAAAAR"

Grettir: *chop*

Grettis saga, part 4.

16

Ásmundur: "Grettir's so not my favourite son."

Þorkell: "Ok who of your family's useless at home so they could come to the Þing with me?"

Ásmundur: "Lemme get the little fucker btw good luck."

Skeggi: "I lost my lunch bag."

Grettir: "Hm, me too."

Skeggi: "Oh I found it now!"

Grettir: "WTF I want a lunch bag too! GIMME."

Skeggi: "It's mine piss off."

Grettir: *chop*

Þorkell: "Where did that Skeggi go?"

Grettir: "Beats me lol."

Then he lifts a rock and that made probably a lot of sense somehow.

Grettis saga, part 3.

11.

Önundur has babies. Wife dies, new wife in, moar babies, Önundur dies of old age, new wife re-marries. In order of age Önundur's sons were Þorgeir, Ófeigur Grettir and Þorgrímur.

Flosi: "I don't like those brothers living on our lands. Þorfinnur go kill Þorgeir."

Þorfinnur: *chop*

Þorgeir's drinking bottle that he just happened to have on his back that day: *argl*

Þorfinnur: *running away already and so does not realize that only the bottle died*

Þorgeir: *achievement unlocked; gain nickname 'bottleback'*

Grettis saga, part 2.

6.

Þrándur's dad dies.

Öndóttur: "There's a guy called Grímur who wants the inheritance and he'd like to see Þrándur as dead as possible, as soon as possible."

Þrándur: "Suddenly going to Iceland sounds like a splendid idea! Anyway, Ófeigur and Þormóð already live there."

Önundur: "I'd rather go home sry bye."

Grettis saga, part 1.

1.

Önundur is a dude. Vikings. The Irish get attacked (it's always the Irish).

Done with Laxdæla, what next?

Well, I've received a request to write Grettis saga next so that's what! Outlaws! More zombies! Vikings, naturally, a Bob-load of them! Some pretty fierce survival - I mean sure, Gísli was awesome for hiding as long as he did but he'll totally meet his match here. I'll even throw in some more Varangians because everyone loves Varangians.

(If, at any time, you think of a saga you'd like me to re-write in short, feel free to drop me a note.)

Laxdæla saga, part 16. FINAL PART.

76.

Þorsteinn: "Come on Þorkell don't be daft you can't sail in that storm!"

Þorkell: "Oh yeah? Oh yeah?"

Þorkell: *drowns*

Þorsteinn: "Told you so."

Guðrún goes to church and there's a bunch of wet ghosts hanging about it. She becomes totally religious. I mean she was Christian before but now she kind of gets serious about it, and we all know what it means when Guðrún gets serious. Be happy she doesn't live in our time or hiding behind the couch would not be enough to get her to stop ringing the bell and leave.

Herdís: "Hi grandma. I saw this dream where a woman was asking me to help her out, you're bothering her a lot and she thinks you're creepy."

Guðrún: "It's ok, I'll just dig up her corpse and dump it see how she likes that."

Laxdæla saga, part 15.

71.

Snorri: "What are you guys planning here?"

Bolli + Þorleikur: "NOTHING nothing absolutely nothing go away it's nothing, honest."

Snorri: "You two idiots think I'm an idiot too?"

Þorleikur: "...well we just sort of wanted to kill the rest of the folks who were with Helgi when he killed our dad."

Snorri: "Wow you two ARE idiots."

Snorri: "Halldór, the two idiots want you dead."

Halldór: "O fuk."

Snorri: "So pay them some fines and I'll make them stay at home and sit there quietly."

Laxdæla saga, part 14.

66.

Ósvífur, Guðrún's dad dies. Then a Gestur dies and wants to be buried at the same churchyard as him (btw church courtesy of Guðrún)(that girl could build a mean church I tell you!) because he's seen a light there and considering how rare light is in Iceland for about 6 months every year this is no surprise.

Laxdæla saga, part 13.

61.

Þorgils: "Hi Þorsteinn. Hi Lambi. Remember how you were with the group that killed Bolli? Either help us kill Helgi or we'll kill you."

Þorsteinn: "Shit."

Lambi: "Fuck."

Laxdæla saga, part 12.

56.

Halldór: "Ok that Guðrún's totally plotting something now."

Guðrún: "Snorri change houses with me I don't want to live next door to these guys anymore."

Snorri: "Sure thing."

Guðrún gives birth and names her son Bolli. Bolli Bollason. IDK why it made me lol a little.

Laxdæla saga, part 11.

51.

Ólafur: "Ok then, I suggest all of the men who attacked Kjartan should be outlawed and banished except for Bolli because we're family."

Everyone else: "Ólafur's awesome!"

Þorgerður: "We fostered him and HE KILLED OUR SON YOU -"

Anyway, Ólafur dies. Of old age, I think. IDK really could have been a zombie attack as well I guess.

Laxdæla saga, part 10.

46.

There's a winter party.

Random woman: "So who's getting the best seat tonight?"

Guðrún: " -!"

Kjartan: "Hrefna."

Guðrún: "WTF I always had the best seat! OH WELL I'M STILL NOT JEALOUS."

Kjartan: "Hey guys has anyone seen my sword?"

Guðrún: "Lol what you looking at me for?"

A spy called Án finds out that a Þórólfur who's Guðrún's brother hid the sword in a swamp. The next party is at Bolli and Guðrún's place and who would have thunk, that awesome headdress that Hrefna now owns somehow mysteriously goes missing.

Ólafur: "Ok Kjartan, we all know what's been going on but it's best to just ignore it. We don't want a bloody war on our hands, especially not within the family, so just be quiet and -"

Kjartan: "BOLLI YOU BITCH YOU'RE STEALING OUR STUFF."

Bolli: "What?!"

Guðrún: "What?!"

Laxdæla saga, part 9.

41.

Kjartan: "I'd like to go abroad please."

King: "Only if abroad means going to Iceland and forcing people to turn Christian by sword."

Kjartan: "...or I could as well stay here I suppose."

King: "Well be like that, see if I care. I'll send Þangbrandur instead."

Þangbrandur then sails to Iceland and baptizes people left and right, no wait I meant to say kills. Except that there's a limit to how much an Icelander will let you kill him so in the end Þangbrandur has to make a speedy escape back to Norway. The king throws a hissy fit and no one can go to Iceland, except for some more missionaries that he sends there. Kjartan finds himself being held hostage.

Bolli: "So... I guess it's goodbye? Well, I'm sure you'll be thoroughly entertained by the king's sister anyways."

Kjartan: "That'snotagoodtopicrightnowshutup..."

Laxdæla saga, part 8.

36.

So the death of Þórður was actually Kotkell's fault because he worked magic against him? Anyway Kotkell has to find a new place to live and FAST, so he gives Þorleikur some horses and gets to live at his place. Þorleikur actually knows that this Kotkell has half the coast angry at him but I suppose them horses were sweet.